once upon a dream

life is a journey, not a race

2012-01-23T06:28:00.003+13:00

now that I have turned 24,

still unemployed,

unmarried,

still lives with the parents,

acting like a child,

being treated like a child,

i have lots to complain about life.

how life is unfair to me

how far behind i am in life

most of my friends have achieved so many things by now

they have been working for at least a year now,

some of them have cars (heck, they can even afford flashy cars)

some of them are no longer on the singles market

and even had their own babies

while here i am
sitting at home

bored

frustrated

still uncertain of the future
it kinda sucks to not have absolute control of your future
and yes, i do know that i am not the only one .

while having fun tumblring,
i came across this phrase "life is a journey, not a race"
(i don't know where this quote comes from, but it doesn't really matter, does it?)
and then it suddenly occur to me,
why am i so stressed out that I am still not working?

who says that i should be working by the age of 24?
it's not that I'm not qualified, i just took a longer road in obtaining a degree.
who says that i should have babies by now?
am I such a worthless human being for not having all that?
of course not

I believe that God has His own plans for everyone

He knows what's best for us

so what if we still stay at home and have no other responsibilities?
that's not really bad.
at least you still have time for yourself and family

what's important is to learn and reflect from this whole journey

what you have been through up to this point
i might not have been fully employed just yet
but i have worked at different places, doing different kind of jobs
and that's something to be proud of
the kind of experience that others might not have

so in the end,
just relax, take it easy
enjoy the moment
there's no need to rush
it's not like we have to compete for the first prize in life.

2011-11-11T02:07:00.002+13:00

urgh.

work-shy!!!

(and it's waaaay better than sleepify :P)

never forget

2011-11-03T00:57:00.006+13:00

a reminder for me in the future
in case if ever i feel like giving up.

i hope i will continue being the "fun", "sporting" and "caring" teacher for years to come.

2011-10-04T01:28:00.001+13:00

i have doubts

uncertain

2011-09-28T02:38:00.005+13:00

one thing i've learned during this practicum is that you can never be so sure about the future
you can always planned your lessons beforehand
you went all out planning the best lessons, filled with creative activities yada yada
but you can never be so sure that the lesson will be carried out successfully
because you can't predict the kids behaviour
they might be total angles today
but tomorrow they could changed into some unmanageable lil monsters instead

you can never be so sure that you can do exactly like you've planned
there are many factors that affect the students' behaviour such as the weather, time, their workload, what happend in the previous class etc .
something that you have no control over.

the same concept of uncertainty applies to life in general:

-you planned to go out for a jog and suddenly the rain pours in
-you like the blouse and planning to buy it but they don't have it in your size
-you fell in love and planning to have a future together but your family disapproved of that person

there are always unpredictable circumstances that could ruined your plans.
but that doesnt mean that we should not be making any plans at all
we could always plan for the best
but be sure to prepare for the worst.

i'm out in the real world, and i don't like it

2011-08-08T02:23:00.002+12:00

not one bit

adjustment period

2011-07-09T04:32:00.004+12:00

pic from stuffnoonetoldme

last night I went out with my friends and we've spent hours talking and discussing adulthood: jobs, cars, salaries, loans, houses, marriages etc
it finally occurred to me that I will not be earning as much as they do
i've got a friend who coud afford to buy a semi-d with her income
and it hasn't been a year since she started work
the amount that she will be paying for her house and car would me my total income for the month
imagine that

i have a really hard time trying to adjust with that idea
honestly speaking, i have always been blessed with well, good life
amongst my friends,my family are pretty much well off and i'm used to live in luxury
and now ,
well, let's just say that I will lead a much more humble life than theirs

not to say that I'm not grateful with what I have
indeed, Alhamdulillah
i've been blessed with good fortunes so far.
I also have no intention of competing with others
i mean, why should i?
but I'm just not used to the idea that I will be at the bottom of the strata in terms of my monthly earnings
life sure is full of surprises innit?
who would have thought that things would turned out this way

i need some time to adjust to this idea
and i will be needing more time to adjust myself to live more humbly
or
i could just marry a rich guy :P

2011-06-08T21:18:00.001+12:00

at times like this,
i always wonder,
do i have ADHD?

hahahaha

focus sha focus!
and tomorrow you shall be free until August! ^^

gunakanlah bahasa kebangsaan kita. marilah amalkan ramai-ramai

2011-06-01T23:30:00.002+12:00

as usual, i have an assignment due soon but what better way to procrastinate than by typing something totally unrelated to the assignment!
and this may be my final i-blog-because-i-don't-want-to-do-my-assignment post
writing this down makes it sound so official!
i'm leaving the land of the long white clouds soon!! aaargh!!! T________________T
i will wrote about leaving sometime soon.i hope. *cough cough*

anyhoo
We had a special guest lecturer for our EPSY 320 : Teachers as lifelong learners class today.
She's our new Student Attache from MSD. she's a graduate form otago uni and has been teaching for 23 years.
amongst her advice to us as beginning teachers were to "go against the system" "keep on making lesson plans" and "sentiasa ikhlaskan diri, remember your rewards at the hereafter".
something else that she said of my interest was about being proud of your nationality. well, she said something about being a Malay but she did mentioned something about being a Malaysian.

now, now
what makes you said that you are a Malaysian?
is it because you were born in Malaysia?
because one of your parent is Malay?
what about the non-Malays?
how can you differentiate Malaysian Chinese from Taiwanese or Malaysian Indian from those from Bangalore?
when you are away from your country, how do you identify other Malaysian?

one important distinguish feature is the ability to speak Bahasa.

Ever heard of the phrase/song "Bahasa Jiwa Bangsa?"
How can you claim that Malaysia is your land, that you are a born and bred Malaysian if you can't even speak in Bahasa?
i'm not saying that you should be able to speak perfect bahasa (hey, i'm even contradicting myself here as I'm writing in English)
But at least you could understand bahasa and could speak fluently
It's okay to speak in your dialect etc as long as you used it.

But our mother tongue has been increasingly forgotten
I have to confess that I do have relatives who couldnt speak/ refused to speak in Bahasa
Some of them speak in English because if they speak in Bahasa they will speak in their regional dialect while some of them just refused to speak in Bahasa.
which is sad, really.

Truth to be told, i was never aware of how special it is to have your own language until some of my classmates mentioned it to me.
You see, those who has only one language i.e English are jealous of us
they are jealous of our language
because that's our identity
and that's the language that only we could understand.
it's special.
it's ours.
hence, it is important to keep on using it
so that it wont die (yes, language can die)

treat Bahasa with respect
appreciate the beauty of the language
it doesn't makes you appear less intelligent if you use perfect Bahasa
you will look sillier if U wrItE liKe DiS

intellectual humility

2011-05-03T22:31:00.002+12:00

thanks sarah for introducing this guy
May Allah bless you.

faith and beliefs

2011-05-01T23:04:00.002+12:00

Salam

hey there!
i know i havent written anything for quite sometime
there are things that i wanted to share but seemed to trivial write on
but i really, really wanted to share what happened tonight to you, my dear readers and also as a good reminder to myself

it's been an eye opening experience

a wake up call

at least, for me.

today we went to palmerston north to bring a friend of us from auckland.

at The Square (where there's a clock tower) we saw a christian preacher talking to no one in particular.

we walked pass him and well, just ignored him.

it was a common sight anyway.
we went ahead, taking some photos at a corner near him, on a tripod

using self timer

as God has destined it, a fierce wind passed by and well, the tripod fell.

alhamdulillah the camera is still ok.

as soon as the tripod fell down, the preacher and his wife came by

they offered to take our photos. we politely declined his offer but he insisted it and so we let him take our photo.

and a casual conversation followed by.

u know "where are you ladies from? what are you doing here etc etc etc"

and suddenly he asked us "what do you think of jesus christ?"

which is relatively easy to answer
and then followed by a range of questions on jesus, Muhammad, Quran, the validity of the Quran, the historical inconsistencies he found in the Quran etc etc

challenging questions.

he wasn't provoking us or anything

we had a calm dialogue regarding our faith.

my point is not his questions.

my point is how he presented and based his arguments on.

he came fully prepared.

with evidences. with proves.
some "archeological artefacts" or something.

which i have no idea of.

my point is that

it was embarrassing not to be able to rebut his "facts" coz we have no knowledge of it.
it was really embarrassing when at the beginning i have to say "i'm not in the position to say this blablabla coz i'm not exactly sure myself"

and what strikes me the most is when he asked whether i read the Quran?

i said i do. but deep inside, i know, that i just read on the surface.
without knowing the whole content by heart.

unlike this preacher, who memorized the bible and also studied the Quran.

picture this:

there i was

proudly parading my hijab, a symbol of my faith

but when being asked to discuss about this faith,

i was speechless.

what kind of message am i sending exactly?

what kind of muslim am i?

am i a good muslim?

what do i really know about my beloved faith?

why couldnt i answered all the questions on my religion?

if do read the Quran, why can't i presented evidences from the Quran?

the common excuse is that we dont know.

that we dont have enough knowledge on that.

that we didn't learned those kind of stuff.

that we are not ustaz or ustazah.

but how long do we have to remain ignorant?

have we done anything to change that?

why aren't we searching the knowledge ourselves?

(btw, the preacher had a master in bible studies)

it's humiliating to discover that i know all the trivial facts on celebrities

who dated who,

who appeared in which movie and so on

but i have little idea on sirah

and the lives and histories of our prophets

there's so many things that i have heard before but unsure of

the thing is

we always take things for granted

and take things on the surface

so we know the names of the 25 prophets

but do we know their whole stories?

so we pray 5 times a day
do we know the meaning of each prayers?

so we read the quran and read the translations
do we really understand the meaning of the translations? have we ever asked or seek information from those who are more knowledgeable?

praying, reciting quran etc without in depth understanding, without really thinking, are somewhat absurd, no?

what the preacher said tonight does not make my faith waiver at all

i was not moved at all. alhamdulillah.

but it does make me reflect on myself, as a muslim.

what kind of muslim am i? what do i really know about my faith?

why am i not seeking any knowledge to strengthen my faith.

knowledge in general.

thank you mr preacher.

i don't believe in the religion that you've preached.

but i do agree with you that we have to seek knowledge
and challenge ourselves.

don't believe and accept everything blindly.

reflection of the future

2011-04-01T14:19:00.002+13:00

so it's already april
we have more or less 11 weeks to go before leaving this wonderful place

the question, am i prepared to go back and teach?
frankly, the answer is no.

I don't think I've done enough practices/fieldwork that help to build my self confidence.
urgh

yesterday, i taught a whole bunch of esol students
it was ok
it wan't fantastic or remarkable or life changing or anything like that
i must say that it went well
i may need to have more practical time management but overall it was ok

however
i noticed that the lessons were kind of successful due to the well planned activities(chewah.yakin tu)
but not because of my teaching

the thing is
i don't think i'm great at teaching
idon't know howto explain things clearly
i may have the knowledge but i don't think i have the ability to transmit the knowledge CLEARLY
coz let's face it,
i'm terrible during teacher-centred practices
i suck at explaining
i suck at giving instructions
i suck at summarizing the whole lessons
in short, i suck whenever i was the centre of attention
whenever i was the only person talking in the class

i wasn't nervous or anything
ok. i lied. i was nervous
but i have realized that i suck at explaining aeons ago

sheesh(and i want to be a teacher? a teacher who doesn't know how to teach?)

on the other hand
it's really good that we've been encouraged to use more learner-centred approaches
coz they help to minimize my teaching time
the only downside is having to plan interesting and relevant activities as much as you could
so yeah,
i'm definitely going to use that jigsaw thingy, that reciprocal reading thingy and blablabla
coz i find myself better when attending small groups rather than the whole class.

and that's just one aspect of the profession that i need to be worried about

there's a whole lot more but let's not worry bout that for now.

i'm really thankful for having a wonderful Associate Teacher this time

she's so carefree and nice

eventhough i don't think i did a wonderful job

she's very supportive and give really good feedbacks

she even offered us to be one of her teacher aides which would be a wonderful opportunity for us to practice and developing our skills

oh well, looking forward to another lesson next week!

hopefully it'll get better somehow ^^

prisoner of words

2011-03-15T21:57:00.000+13:00

P.O.W
By Alicia Keys

I'm a prisoner
Of words unsaid
Just lonely feelings
Locked away in my head

I trap myself further
Every time I stay quiet
I should start to speak
But I stop and stay silent
And now I've made
My own hard bed
Inside a prison of words unsaid
I am a P.O.W.

Not a prisoner of war
A prisoner of words
Like a soldier
I'm a fighter
Yet only a puppet
Mostly I only say
What you wanna hear
Could you take it if I came clear?
Or would you rather see me
Stoned on a drug of complacency and compromise
M.I.A.

I guess that's what I am
Scraping this cold earth
For a piece of myself
For peace in myself
It'd be easier if you put me in jail
If you locked me away
I'd have someone to blame
But these bars of steel are of my making
They surround my mind
And have me shaking
My hands are cuffed behind my back
I'm a prisoner of the worst kind, in fact
A prisoner of compromise

A prisoner of compassion
A prisoner of kindness
A prisoner of expectation
A prisoner of my youth

Run too fast to be old
I've forgotten what I was told
Ain't I a sight to behold?
A prisoner of age dying to be young
To my head is my hand with a gun
And it's cold and it's hard
Cause there's nowhere to run
When you've caged yourself
By holding your tongue
I'm a prisoner
Of words unsaid
Just lonely feelings
Locked away in my head
It's like solitary confinement
Every time I stay quiet
I should start to speak
But I stop and stay silent
And now I've made
My own hard bed
Inside a prison of words unsaid

mere mortals

2011-03-11T22:42:00.002+13:00

even at a time like this

would you still deny the existence of a greater power than yours?

even at a time like this

would you still choose not to beg for forgiveness?

even at a time like this

would you still feel proud?

would you still feel that you are all high and mighty?

even at a time like this

would you still turn a blind eye to the fact that without His mercy,

we are hopeless and worthless being?

now i'm feeling so fly like a G6 like a G6 like a G6

2011-01-18T11:56:00.010+13:00

sorta

this is supposed to be a sad and depressing entry where i will rant non stop about growing old and resent the society's expectations and responsibilities that comes along with age

but then again, i always rant in this blog.

my entries are usually bleak or with dark undertones.

i barely write about happy stuff (if there's any)

so since i had a really good birthday

i'll write about sunshines and rainbows

with pictures for a change

so we celebrated my birthday on the 18th because..

-i work on the 19th (scrubbing off people's toilet on your birthday is not fun at all)

-and a certain someone is off to japan on the 19th *super jealous*

eny made her super famous roast chicken

lots and lots of food from beloved friends. oh terharu. (sorry dely ak xjumpe gmba cake tanpa muka ak yg annoying itu)

and of course presents! you know you're old-er when your friends start to give you gold necklaces and handbags.

and on the 19th we went out for kaffee eis super-delicious ice cream!

telephone box. just because.

tsb arena

random painting on the sidewalk

queens wharf

blue sky + blue sea +great weather= awesome day!

and then we went to my favourite place in wellington : the te papa museum (yes, i LOVE this place! call me a dork. i dont care)

where we rode on their awesome rides and made our own wall of fame (or shame?)

overall, i never thought that turning 23 would be so much fun!

i was ready to be all melancholic and depressed (coz im dramatic like that)

but hey, you'll never be sad

not when you have your fantastic friends around!

thanks guys for throwing a not-so-surprise-birthday-party for me and for the fun (and adventurous) day out!

this is probably the last time we'll ever get to celebrate it together and this is definitely one birthday i'll never forget

xoxo

2011

2011-01-04T23:30:00.002+13:00

it's 2011 already

6 months (more or less) till i bid wellington adieu

after watching this video,

i've become more reluctant to go back.

seriously, how narrow minded can you be??

it's disgusting

how to educate them?

i wonder..

2010-12-12T19:21:00.002+13:00

...but if I can be allowed a mediocre generalization, don’t pointless things have a place, too, in this far-from-perfect world? Remove everything pointless from an imperfect life and it’d lose even its imperfection

Haruki Murakami

Sputnik Sweetheart

take me to the end of the rainbow

2010-12-09T23:28:00.001+13:00

i could really use some extra $$$ right now.

not up for anything really

2010-12-09T12:44:00.001+13:00

2 hours left

500 words to go

malas tau x malas????????

epic failure

2010-10-28T22:58:00.002+13:00

i can cook up a feast for more than 10 people

but i have yet to master the art of making caramel popcorn without almost burning the house down.

LOL

1 more day to go until the final exam!

can't wait to go out and enjoy the weather! ^^

2010-10-25T23:37:00.002+13:00

i will write again soon.

2010-09-25T11:32:00.002+12:00

when you bid the world goodbye...

2010-09-18T01:24:00.003+12:00

I know i'm supposed to be in bed right now to prepare myself for the journey tomorrow but I'm too disturbed to even close my eyes for a moment.
My housemate's mom just passed away earlier today.
It was unexpected. but then again, nobody can predict when they will die, even the sickly ones.
Though I have a few friends whom their parents just passed away, this one is different. Usually, I wasnt there when they received the news.
but today was different.
the girl was in the room next to mine.
I could hear her cries.
I could hear her wails.
It was heartbreaking.
and i can do nothing nor say anything.
nothing.

death
is inevitable
we all will die
sooner or later
there's nothing you can do to prevent it
no matter how "powerful" you are,
you will die.
you may tae all the suplements or the anti-ageing or whatever it is that may lasts you longer
but hey,
who says that you will only die when you are old?
you can be 12 years old and collapsed and die in a matter of seconds.
Only Allah knows.

death.
death.
death
disturbs me in so many ways:

1. the unpredictable nature of death itself is frightening. what if i'm gonna die soon? what if my family members will leave me soon? am i strong enough to face the challenge? will i be able to maintain my sanity? how will I die? am I able to say the syahadah before I die?

2.life in the hereafter scares me the most. are we ever prepared to meet The Creator?

3. how will you comfort a person who just lost her beloved ones? what is the right thing to say to her? what can you do to help her (if she needed to be helped). how will you face her? what tone should you use? what body language should you expressed?
argh. it was so frustrating. what ever that I have learned during counselling classes seemed so pointless today.
theories went down the drain. this is a real life situation. what can you actually do??
i was pretty upset with myself for being too afraid to face the housemate. i was so scared that i might hurt her even more (we were never close to begin with). so i avoided her. silly me. all i could do is to prepare the refreshments for the tahlil session as a gesture that I do care, but I could do nothing to comfort her.

May Allah rest her mom's soul in peace. Amin.

don't ever forget

2010-08-31T07:00:00.002+12:00

Bukankah Dia (Allah) yang menciptakan langit dan bumi dan yang menurunkan air dari langit untukmu, lalu Kami tumbuhkan dengan air itu kebun-kebun yang berpandangan indah? Kamu tidak akan mampu menumbuhkan pohon-pohonnya. Apakah di samping Allah ada tuhan (yang lain)? Sebenarnya mereka adalah orang-orang yang menyimpang (dari kebenaran).

Bukankah Dia (Allah) yang telah menjadikan bumi sebagai tempat berdiam, yang menjadikan sungai-sungai di celah-celahnya, yang menjadikan gunung-gunung untuk (mengukuh)nya dan yang menjadikan suatu pemisah antara dua laut? Apakah di samping Allah ada tuhan (yang lain)? Sebenarnya kebanyakan mereka tidak mengetahui.

Bukankah Dia (Allah) yang memperkenankan (doa) orang yang dalam kesulitan apabila dia berdoa kepadaNya, dan menghilangkan kesusahan dan menjadikan kamu (manusia) sebagai khalifah (pemimpin) di bumi? Apakah di samping Allah ada tuhan (yang lain)? Sedikit sekali (nikmat Allah) yang kamu ingat.

Bukankah Dia (Allah) yang memberi petunjukkepada kamu dalam kegelapan di daratan dan lautan dan yang mendatangkan angin sebagai khabar gembira sebelum (kedatangan) rahmatNya? Apakah di samping Allah ada tuhan (yang lain)? Mahatinggi Allah terhadap apa yang mereka persekutukan.

Bukankah Dia (Allah) yang menciptakan (makhluk) dari permulaannya, kemudian mengulanginya (lagi) dan yang memberikan rezeki kepadamu dari langit dan bumi? Apakah di samping Allah ada tuhan (yang lain)? Katakanlah, "Kemukakanlah bukti kebenaranmu, jika kamu orang yang benar."

Katakanlah (Muhammad), "Tidak ada sesuatu pun di langit dan di bumi yang mengetahui perkara yang ghaib, kecuali Allah. Dan mereka tidak mengetahui kapan mereka akan dibangkitkan"

(An-Naml, 60-65)

don't you think we oughta know by now? don't you think we should have learned somehow?

2010-07-25T21:06:00.005+12:00

currently i'm working as a casual after school care assistant at a new place.

it's interesting to really see for yourself how different social background (i.e family's income) has a lot of influence on the kids behaviour.

while working there, i've been asked by the kids about my age plenty of times.

To make things interesting (yet hurtful), I always let them have a guess.

and usually they will say that I'm around 30-35.

wtfish.

do i look that old??

sheesh

anyhow, let's reflect back on ourselves when we were that age. say, 6 years old?

when we were 6, we thought that a 22 years old is like, really, really old.

a grown up.

a sensible, mature grown up who has life figured out and is very secure and confident and very responsible. someone you can depend on.

someone you could trust. someone that can do practically everything they wanna/required todo.

in my head, i used to imagined the 22 year old me should have achieved xxxx and xxxxt and would be able to do xxxx and xxxx and in the progress towards xxxx and xxxx.

sadly, none of this is true.

the 22 year old me is still a pathetic loser who has not accomplished anything that she could be proud of.

im still in the midst of a quarter life crisis.

i know that i need to do this and this and balance this and this but arghhh

the sense of insecurity is overwhelming.

which makes me wonder, how can i be a good teacher if i dont even trust myself?

when we were students, we looked up after our teachers right?

we trusted them to be able to take care of us.

How am i supposed to take care/ at least be a mentor to my students when I cant even take care of myself?

it scares the hell out of me thinking about coming back to msia for good next year.

because when we come back, we're no longer coming back as some silly students on holiday.

we're coming back as a full blown adults who are responsible for the future of the next generation.

i cant go back and still expect my mom to drive me around and give me pocket money

or just sleep and hope that things will get better in the morning.

maybe im thinking too much about unnecessary stuff.

or maybe, i'm just too scared of growing up.

too scared to leave this comfort zone.

this carefree and relatively slow pace of life them I'm having.

but in the end,

que sera sera

whatever will be, will be.

i'm so gonna miss this moment.

eventhough the uncertainty of the future is killing me, i'm definitely gonna miss being this irresponsible.

live rugby experience #2

2010-07-18T23:02:00.002+12:00

though i still think that rugby is a pointless, ruthless game,

but dayum the All Blacks,

you guys are sweet as!!!

erase and rewind

2010-06-27T20:34:00.003+12:00

just got back from JUNZ 2010

similar to last year,

came home full of hope and determination

to start all over again

to rejuvenate the iman

to start prioritizing what's important in this mere life

and having a deeper, clearer future plan.

the more you understand the purpose of life,

the clearer your future plan will be,

and life will definitely be meaningful.

there's more to life than what you think.

there's a lot more to life.

a new beginning.

to get better.

to be istiqamah, steadfast,

that's the challenge.

meeting new people

and living in a different kind of environment,

definitely get me to reflect the way i lead my life:

there's always someone who's more knowledgeable,

more successful yet more humble

more kind

more thoughtful

always sincere.

they definitely motivate us to become better.

made us realized that we need to be better

there's a lot more to learn.

there's so much more that we dont know.

there's so many things that we took for granted.

so many things to do.

there's no time to waste.

may we always stay in the right track.

whatever happened in the past is not to be forgotten but to motivate us to become a better muslim/ah.

let's colour the future! ^^

the right to remain ignorant

2010-05-15T14:25:00.002+12:00

whenever there's an assignment coming up, there's always the urge to update this blog.

i dont want to remain ignorant

but the thing is, i am not interested in things that im forced to learn

i just dont care.

i dont care about these linguistic stuff

pffffttt

uh-oh

2010-05-04T16:05:00.003+12:00

i have the attention span of a goldfish

wonder how im gonna answer the test tomorrow...

feeling overwhelmed

2010-05-01T20:48:00.001+12:00

everybody's changing

but im still the same

half of my heart won't do

2010-04-26T16:38:00.008+12:00

i love john mayer's songs despite the douche that he is.

and he's gonna perform in wellington tomorrow.

and i am not gonna be there to see him in person.

and i am frustrated.like extremely disappointed.

why didnt i get the tix?

money is not the main issue. i dont mind forking out money to watch him(punyela die hard fan sampai begitu skali)

it's a once in a lifetime opportunity kot.

friends to bring along...?

i do know some close friends who just need a little push to come with me.

but i didnt push them that hard.

you know why?

because i feel guilty.

and what i've learned from joining usrah is:

jika ada getaran jiwa or jika ada rasa terdetik di hati tu bila nk buat sesuatu tu, maknanya something wrongla.benda tu salah or lebih jelas lg, x diredhai Allah.

or something like that.

Ok i x reti nk explain further. sbb tu x layak jd kakak usrah. kak sarah,tlg explain.haha

nway,

the guilt is preventing me from goin there.

truth to be told, that was the first time i ever had the desire to buy a concert ticket.

it's gonna be my first concert ever.

before this pernahla tgk KRU punye roadshow, Kaer AF2 la pela ..haha

lame??i know

i was 16 at that time.go figure.

tapi nk tgk kaer punye pasal, sampai terlepas solat asar, sedar2 dh magrib

tu belum lg part berebut2 nk salam kaer la,vince la, tp time reshmonu hulur tangan tahu pule x baik salam bukan muhrim..isk3.dhla jahil,racist pule tu.haih.

see, that's exactly why going to a concert is not such a good idea.

you eventually, will forget God along the way.

melalaikan katanye.

and that brings us to what I've learned during usrah last week;

Hadis 6: Halal dan Haram

Maksudnya:

“Dari Abu Abdullah An-Nu’man bin Basyir r.a. katanya : saya telah mendengar Rasulullah SAW bersabda : ‘ Sesungguhnya yang halal itu jelas dan yang haram itu jekas , dan di antara keduanya pula terdapat perkara-perkara yang syubahat ( tidak terang halal atau haramnya ) yang diragui dan tiada diketahui oleh orang ramai. Orang yang memelihara dirinya dari perkara-perkara yang syubahat itu adalah seperti orang yang melindungi agama dan kehormatan dirinya. Orang yang tergelincir ke dalam perkara syubahat itu akan tergelincir masuk ke dalam perkara haram. Laksana seorang pengembala di pinggir sebuah tempat larangan. Hampir sangat ia menternak ke dalamnya (tempat larangan itu). Ketahuilah, bagi setiap raja ada tempat larangan, dan tempat larangan Allah itu adalah perkara-perkara yang diharamkanNya. Dan ketahuilah pada setiap jasad itu seketul daging. Andainya ia baik, baiklah seluruh jasad itu dan sekiranya ia rosak maka rosaklah seluruh jasad itu. Itulah hati" -riwayat Bukhari & Muslim-

apa yang jelas halal?

ayam kat halal butcher?minum susu?

menutup aurat?bekerja sebagai seorang guru?solat 5 waktu?etc

apa pula yang haram?

minum arak. berzina. rasuah. jadi bartender. bersentuhan bukan muhrim dan sebagainya.

Perkara halal dan haram yang sudah jelas termaktub dalam Al Qur’an dan Sunnah tidak boleh dipertikaikan lagi. Sami’na wa ato’na…

Halal dan haram itu merangkumi aspek makan minum, pakaian,pekerjaan, muamalah dan segala aspek kehidupan.

and..what about going to concerts?

apa yg lagi dekat?

tho xdela wujud ayat Quran yg ckp diharamkan pergi ke concert abg John Mayer,

kite bole figure out sendiri kan?

apa yg ada time concert?

arak.definitely.

bercampur gaul berlainan jantina.duh

maka,haruslah dielakkan daripada melakukan perkara2 syubhah yg akan mendekatkn diri dgn perkara2 yg haram.

i do hope that i wont regret my decision of not seeing abang mayer live in person.

the euphoric sensation wont last long, God's blessing is eternal.

yes,indeed i am trying to console myself.

i am no goody two shoes.

i am still extremely jealous of those who gonna meet him tomorrow.

am not gonna lie here.

to quote from abg mayer himself (from one of my fav song,Half of My Heart)

half of my heart got a grip on the situation

half of my heart takes time

forgive me for writing this post in this utter rubbish rojak.

the mind is in chaos lately.

human growth and potential

2010-04-25T13:43:00.003+12:00

The potato story:

"Potatoes which are kept in the cellar are in an unfavourable environment compared to those planted outside, yet still developed shoots and grew stems (however distorted) in an attempt to reach light"(Rogers,1980)

despite unfavourable conditions, organisms will still continue to grow in whatever way they can to fulfil their potential.

the environment is not equal for all.

when insecurity kicks in

2010-04-17T20:16:00.010+12:00

and you feel the sudden urge to behave like a 15 year old high school girl.

you know, when all those i dont't care, girls rule boys drool, i'm cool ur not etc glittery graphics are everywhere on your friendster page

and it's ok to have them on your page.

can i go back there just once?
just this once?

perfectly imperfect

i love that.

growing up is never easy.

contemplating the future is stressful indeed.

forcing yourself to be "rational" and "mature" all the time is tiring.

i say,let the inner child do the talking once in a while.

i want my mummy to tell me that everything's gonna be ok.

what a scary world we're living in

2010-04-17T14:37:00.002+12:00

whether you want to believe it or not, it's up to you

http://vigilantcitizen.com/

i have now deleted lady gaga,rihanna, beyonce and jay-z from my playlist.

they're not really my cup of tea anyway.

i am not taking any chances.

it's time to go back to basic,

the Holy Quran and sunnahs.

death

2010-04-03T23:15:00.002+13:00

is inevitable.

predestined.

no one can avoid death

there's no such thing as to 'cheat death'

it's just how the life cycle goes.

i dont know why,

but lately, the idea of death has been bugging me

i am a muslim.

i do believe in the life of hereafter.

i do believe in the Day of Judgement.

i do believe that our sins/rewards are gonna be measured.

i do believe in the existence of heaven and hell.

i am scared,

death comes sometimes without warning,

when you least expected it.

are you ready for it?

are we ever gonna be ready to face death?

now, while i still get the chance,

i would like to apologize to everyone

for everything i've done.

i am no saint.

just a sometimes-misguided,obnoxious,hardheaded, short-tempered little woman.

it's that time of the year again

2010-03-21T20:35:00.004+13:00

2 more years to go and and I'll be the one who has the power to make the students miserable

muahahaha

often we forget

2010-03-20T09:58:00.002+13:00

So when the time is hard
There's no way to turn
As HE promise HE will always be there
To bless us with HIS love and HIS mercy
Coz, as HE promise HE will always be there
HE's always watching us, guiding us
And HE knows what's in all in our heart

So when you lose your way
To Allah you should turn
As HE promise HE will always be there...

Allahu Akbar

fitter happier

2010-03-16T19:07:00.002+13:00

am not talking bout the radiohead song nor am i such a big fan of radiohead.

sue me.

regarding the obsession over the most sensitive issue of all mankind- the weight issue,

when does it gonna end?

how am i going to end it?

the weather is surprisingly nice.

still warm and sunny.

(freakin weird since it's march already and we're in wellington- who's renown for her unpredictable weather and fierce wind)

no early morning classes.

dont feel like having a job this year.i want to enjoy my free time. i can be pennyless. watever.

and this awesome house is near the botanic garden.

and there comes the brilliant idea.

go for a daily morning jog.

if you know me,

that's one of the things that you wouldnt ecpect to come out of my mouth,

let alone doing it.

but yeah, now i jog every morning (if i have the time)

and today, i did the most unthinkable,

i've signed up for a gym membership!

hahahaha

sha and gym does not belong in the same sentence.

i hate getting all sweaty.

and i have really3 poor coordination.

in short, i'm the girl who used to be in the last place in any kind of sport at school

be it running, high jump blablabla

and i'm that girl who used to be the last person to be chosen for any sports team (if i'm lucky to be chosen at all)

be it netball, handball, volleyball etc

the teacher never encourage the underdogs

and the talented players will snubbed at you.

so i guess, i just have no talent in sports.

i resent sports or any kind of physicall activities as much as i resent mathematics.

it's that baaaaaadddd.

however, since coming back from the summer vacation,

after hanging around with the elderly with all kinds of health problems,

i started getting a bit worried about my health.

it hit me that i'm terriibly unfit when i gasp for air like crazy (and looking like a goldfish at that) when i climb up the not-so-steep hills of everton trc to uni.

for goodness sake, im only 22 and i have the stamina of a 70 year old!

it's really embarrassing and worrying!

so then i decided to push myself to go for a morning jog (more like a walk) at the botanic garden in the mornings

even if that means i have to go there alone.

it's relatively more safe here than back home.

and you dont feel too self-conscious doing it here.

back home, there's a probability that you're gonna be the target of a snatch thief or a rapist etc

and there's definitely gonna be some wolf-whistling by the ever gentlemen males out there.

sue me for being prejudice for i am speaking the truth.

so basically that's how i plan to use my time "over the sea".

i dont care if i look so clueless or so uncoordinated at the gym.

they wont laugh at me.

but the funny thing is,

we tend to be so self-conscious of doing those kind of stuff if there's any other malays too.

it's the same attitude as i-dont-care-if-the-kiwis-see-me-without-my-hijab-but-omg-other male malays-shouldnt-see-that!

anyway,

being all sweaty and getting in touch with nature has never been so refreshing!

it's like a euphoric sense of freedom!

and i am definitely happier now :)

p/s-it's not about getting stick-thin, it's about being healthier.

the ideal life

2010-03-15T00:44:00.006+13:00

we all have goals and dreams to achieve in this mere short life we have.

your goals and my goals are different.

do not simply assumed that i will conform to your goals.

who are you to say that these are the limited goals that we all must have.

who are you to force me to aspire the things that you think are important in life.

who are you to decide what i should be achieving according to your timeline.

you lead the life the way you want to.

i'll lead mine the way i like it to be.

if somewhere along the way, one of us took the wrong, sinful path,

then it's your job and mine to bring that person back to the right path.

the right path that leads to His blessings.

our dreams might be different, but His blessings are more important.

otherwise, steer clear.

out of my way.

fatimah juling. brilliant.

2010-03-04T21:45:00.002+13:00

Since halimah jonggang is so well received by the ever lovely and intelligent viewers of Asteruk, they're decided to air a new telefilm called "Fatimah Juling"

Our entertainment industry is certainly filled with a bunch of clever and sensitive people.

Kudos to them for coming up with such wild and mind blowing ideas.

it's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday

2010-02-22T04:48:00.002+13:00

am blogging from the melbourne airport
couldnt sleep
somehow i feel that going back to welly again is way harder than the first time i came here
maybe because back then, there's this excitement and high expectations of going abroad

but right now, i feel so homesick
maybe because i feel guilty for not helping my mom enough around the house
or maybe because i miss the lil ones too much
or maybe, maybe just the thought of having to unpack my stuff(oh the hassle....) and move to a new place with random housemates and the thought of going to school for observation a day after our arrival is too overwhelming
idk
but i know that
i am kinda depressed
and sad

but i have to be strong
it's my responsibility to be here
and do my best to perform wayy better than i used to
i have to make mama proud! ^-^

sigh
goodbye my hot summer vacation
hello cool and windy education
time to go back to reality

p/s maybe it's the hormones...

can i turn back time?

2010-02-20T00:23:00.001+13:00

the circle of life

2010-02-08T20:58:00.003+13:00

any mention of the circle of life will forever remind me of The Lion King

yesterday,

i was left in charge of the house

since mami and papi finally accepted the fact that im 22 , not 11 anymore.

nah, just kidding.

mami and papi had to attend a wedding in KL.

papi LOVES wedding.

he would go out of his way just to attend a wedding regardless if the wedding is in the middle of nowhere or if he has no idea who the bride/groom is.

he truly believes that if we're invited to weddings, we have to attend them or else others won't come to our weddings.

heh, not that there's gonna be any weddings at our house anytime soon.

..... right abang?*scoff*

anyway,

the funny thing is

he left me in charge of the house, the little siblings and atok

he emphasized on taking care of atok

'kamu duduk rumah,jaga atok" (not that i have the slightest interest to attend the wedding anyway -_-)

it's funny

because when we were little

atok is the one who took care of us

mami and papi would left us with atok if they want to go out just the two of them(while we're in tganu)

but now,

now that atok's living with us

it's our job to take care of her

having atok here really got me thinking about growing old

if God's willing, we'll grow old too someday

and i have just realized some disturbing facts of life.

growing old is like a process of slowly becoming a baby again

you'll sulk if you didnt get all those little sweets that you're granddaughter is having

you crave to eat all the junks that lil kids like

such as maggi, chocs, colourful biscuits etc

and

you're becoming more and more helpless

your bones, muscles and joints wont move perfectly anymore

you stutter to speak

you cant hear very well

you cant remember where you put your things

you need help to move around

i once jokigly said tatih tatih to atok as she's struggling to walk

just like she said tatih to us when we're learning to walk

sooner or later,

you'll need help when you want to sleep,eat

or take a bath

and there will come a time when you have to wear diapers again.

having atok around is a reminder that we'll go through that phase someday

if God's willing.

it's also a reminder to enjoy your life while you're still young,

to take care of your health for the future

to learn and do all kind of stuff while you still can

and most of all, to do more ibadah while you're still capable of doing them.

my tok abah(from papi's side), on the other hand,

is a wise old man

and mind you, he's so hi-tech

he had windows 7 installed in his computer first before any of us did

he's way older than my atok but he still can drive around,

joke around and alhamdulillah,

he's nowhere near going senile

he's a bit of hard of hearing now

but let's face it, he's an old man

he's just growing old

and his secret to a healthy and happy(i sure hope he's happy) long life is to never let your mind go idle.

you must do something to keep yourself busy.

dont just sit around and reminiscing of the good ol' life you used to have.

even when you dont feel well,

you have to push yourself to go through it.

must always remember to keep your mind active.

alhamdulillah, how lucky are we?

to still be able to do what most elders cant' do.

i know it's a cliche but hey, we have to live our life to the fullest!

so folks,

let's hit those Scrabble,crossword puzzles, sudokus!

exercise regularly!

develop healthy eating habits!

and of course, try to recite and memorize verses of the Holy Quran as much as you can.

try to lead your young life as humble as you can.

there's no need to be all cocky and arrogant and create lots of enemies in your young days.

you won't know what's gonna happen to you in the future.

you wont know whether you're gonna age gracefully or not.

and you won't know if there's anyone left in this world who cares about you when you're old and helpless.

"Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many"

and oh yeah

having atok around also remind me that soon,

it's up to us to take care of mami and papi.

are we strong enough and patient enough for that?

i'm scared.

random thoughts while watching tv

2010-02-01T20:09:00.005+13:00

the idiot box

apparently there's nothing good on tv nowadays
mr director,please la, choose your actors wisely
good looks does not equal to good acting skills(like duh)
and please stop using those fake,fake,fake eyelashes!
for goodness sake, you guys are actresses , not drag queens!

and wassup with series like halimah jongang or si capik (yes, thanks to my atok for faithfully supporting our local industry )
why do you need to highlight and make fun of other people's less fortunate condition?
so what kalau jongang?
the condition of their teeth does not reflect their IQ (it's an entirely different matter if the teeth is full of cavities or poor dental hygiene)
xpayahla nk kesian sgt pun kalau die tempang ke, jongang ke,
it's not like if he's tempang he is also mentally retarded or suffering from down syndrome etc

xpernah lg i dgr org ckp "sy hidup susah sbb sy jongang" or "sy x berjaya dapat biasiswa sbb sy jongang"
some of us are just blessed with poor genes

making fun of them is not even funny.
sheesh
seriously, what century are we in right now?

so what's next?

fatin albino? hamdan sepet? hamid capang? shamsiah hidung kembang?

are you telling us that it's wrong to not look like a barbie doll? *insert heidi montag joke here*

after watching these kind of series (ok i xtgk pun. it's just an assumption based on the commercials)
the children who watched it will torture their friends with unfortunate teeth with terrible insults and the kids at the receiving end will suffer from lack of self esteem and will beg the parents to allow them to wear braces
some people just cant afford to wear braces ok
and as for t he cheaper alternative,the waitlist at the government clinic is just too long.
i've been there. i know what i'm talking about.

since there's absolutely nothing good to watch in the afternoons,
i humbly forced myself to watch the AF concerts reruns
after all, i watched AF since the 1st episode of the 1st season
and i was a HUGE fan of kaer af2 (my af frenzy ended after af2, thank you very much)
sigh, to be so young and not media literate
hahaha
anyway, while watching af,
i could not help but to notice that we really have no idea on how to give a good feedback
the judges (who think that they're so smart and so otai) tahu nk hentam saje
so you think you did a great job by just by pointing out their weaknesses?
does that make you inferior?(even if you, yourself is not such a great singer/entertainer)
is that the case?

and you dont have to point out their bad pronunciation or diction everytime one of them sang an english song

please consider their background first

typical meleis would freaked out whenever they have to speak in english

kudos to them for being brave enough to attempt an english song with fake confidence

it's a good try

stop shooting them down

if you keep on giving remarks like bad pronuciation and stuff,

they might not want to speak in English ever again

save that kind of comment to future English teachers with bad grammar and horrible pronunciations(like us T_T)

i know that giving feedback is hard
but there are few simple steps that they could use:

1.Point out the strong points
Start with a positive comment. Praise them for something done well.
"What I admire about your style…
"I'm impressed with the way you ……
"I really liked how you…
"That was very impressive how you…

remember to keep your tone positive. jgnla bunyi cm nk perli2 pule.

2.Every comment that points out a weakness should also have a suggestion for overcoming the weakness
It is important to point out their weaknesess to help them grow, but remember to do it in an open, safe, supportive, sensitive environment

Use personal statements whenever possible, describing your reactions to the coaching. "I felt…", "It seemed to me…"I wonder if…"I sense

Avoid "but" and "however" - "You started out very strong, but/however… The "but" and "however" negates everything you said before. Make two separate sentences or connect them with "and."

Give honest, helpful appropriate suggestions. Point out tactfully some area for improvement.

"There may have been a missed opportunity…
"It's a small thing, but be aware of….
"The one thing you might look for is…

Be sure to check with them to confirm he/she understands your remarks, so there is no misinterpretation of your meaning

3.End with a positive encouraging remark. Never end with a negative.

"I really admire your courage in..."
"Overall, I very much enjoyed…"
"We are very pleased and lucky to have you here as..
"You have some wonderful …

credit to www.protocolplus.net/feedback.html

well, this tips could be applied to any situation that requires you to give feedback to anyone.

especially for us, future teachers.

you could not imagine how important it is to give effective feedback to the students.

whatever that comes out from your mouth will have an impact on your students.

yet another random entry from me

cheers

we all need to take a break and slow down

2010-01-29T05:23:00.002+13:00

'But I like turning the pages… am I a dinosaur?'

-Lainey-

the best remark i've encountered regarding the hype surrounding the iPad

LOL

but then again, i'm no technology expert

but as a consumer, i dont think i'll buy it

a little pick me up

2010-01-25T21:07:00.005+13:00

for every meaningful(sort of) situation in my life,

there's at least a song to accompany it.

a theme song.

the theme songs for the moment are:

hgh

Ain't nothing gonna break my stride
Nobody's gonna slow me down
Oh no, I've got to keep on moving
Ain't nothing gonna break my stride
I'm running and I won't touch ground
Oh no, I've got to keep on moving

and of course,
a song from the amazing john mayer ( i dont care if he's a douche in real life, his songs are fantastic!)

say what you need to say ( repeat a gazillion times!like a mantra)

this is not his best song.
i used to hate it as it used to be overplayed on the radio,
but i'm finally able to relate to this song ;P

stating the obvious

2010-01-20T06:52:00.003+13:00

i am emotional

fullstop

i know that exposing your private life in your blogs is not such a great idea

fullstop

keeping a diary is way safer than keeping a blog

fullstop

people would use your blog against you

fullstop

fine

i'll try to talk about general stuff through my own view(of course) from now on

(that was the initial intention of keeping this blog but i guess i've got too caught up with myself)

hello old diary. long time no see.

love-hate

2010-01-20T04:08:00.005+13:00

in this world

not everyone likes to see you happy

even if they said they wished all the happiness in the world for you, sometimes they dont really mean it

words are just that.. words

we've been accustomed or programmed to say such things

good words for good things.

like good luck dear!

all the best!

may your dreams come true , i'll miss you yada yada yada

do you have to really mean it?

of course not

those are just nice words to write on a birthday card, facebook statuses and so on

people expect to see those words on certain occasions

hence, others just mechanically wrote down those things without really thinking about it.

sometimes. not all the time.

bad words on the other hand,

boy, do people mean it when they say such bad things.

people wont naturally say they hate something if they didnt really hate that thing do they?

bad words usually come straight from the heart.instantly.

people become very passionate when they're on a heated debate, or when they are really pissed off

ahh.. what's my point really??

the thing is, some people just can't stand seeing you happy

it's just their nature i guess

oh well, that's life

sticks and stones may break my bones,

but words will never hurt me ?

sorry honey,

they do.

p/s-my 22nd birthday was awesome, for the most part, that is.

kenapa? why?doshte?

2010-01-18T16:29:00.006+13:00

kenapa

mengapa

kenapa

kala di perantauan

sanggup bersusah payah

tonggang tonggek di jalanan

hilang malu

hilang geli mencium tanah

untuk sujud menghadapNya

tiba di negeri sendiri

surau kiri kanan

rumah pun selesa

air nyaman untuk berwudhuk

tidak akan menggigil pun berwudhuk

siapa hina kamu solat?

siapa persoalkan kenapa perlu solat?

siapa halang kamu dari bersolat?

tiada siapa

tapi

oh sungguh beratnya!

oh sungguh malasnya!

oh sungguh liatnya!

oh nantilah dulu..

ah lambat lagi!

ah betapa sukarnya diri ini untuk solat!

kenapa?

kenapa??

mungkin ini ujianMu Tuhan..

best friends are forever indeed

2010-01-18T06:04:00.004+13:00

this week i had been busy catching up with friends

the new ones (scratch that. it's been almost 5 years since we've known each other) and the old ones

i mean really old ones

like the ones that you've been friends with since standard 2

i guess i was so excited and i talked and talked till i lose my voice

i sounded like a rockstar for now

give me a ring and i'll entertain you:P

but losing my voice was worth it

i finally get the chance to meet my primary besties:my BFF P and the ever so lovely Q

it's been 10 years since we last meet each other (Q went to live in Qatar since 2004 and P was well, she's in JB. that's like hours away from the magical forest of kuantan)

i was touched that they're willing to come to my place for a sleepover

would you sleep at the house of someone you haven't met in 10 years?

i doubt i would

but that just proves how tight we are

how comfortable we are with each other though much have changed since standard 6

(speaking face to face is wayyy different than having conversations on the phone)

though all of us are in different places and different field now,

it amazes me how similar we are in many ways

lke the way we carry ourselves and well, our other relationships

i guess now i can clearly see why parents are very concerned about the friends of their kids

coz they will gradually, influenced the rest of the children's lives

i am thankful for having wonderful people as my friends

it doesnt matter whether you guys are 'the olds ones' or 'the new ones'

everyone has a place in my heart ^_^

"A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson-

looking forward to meet the mgs girls

please come back soon!!

oh! the irony

2010-01-13T15:48:00.007+13:00

isn't it ironic

when you're thousands miles apart from your family

they didn't care about where you're going,

with whom you're travelling with etc

travelling 8 hours by bus?

ok.

you're boarding the plane alone?

ok, that's fine. (well of course it is pa! *rolling eyes*)

but when you're right in front of their eyes,

they getting all worked up over stuff like this.

puh-lease mum and dad (esp. u Dad)

i'm not a schoolkid anymore

i'm already in my 20s and am experiencing quarter life crisis

haha

what you just read above was my original post

i was thinking of publishing this before i began my journey to terengganu for the wedding of eny's brother

but i didnt

as i had a feeling, what if something went wrong?

wouldnt it be weird that after i post this somewhat cocky entry,

something bad actually happened to me??

and it did

sorta

so the bus i took to tganu from the magical forest of kuantan was on Friday, at 8.45 am

freaking early i tell u

mom dropped me off at the bus sation like, 10 minutes before departure time and went off to the market

when i got there, the bus was empty

and i thought, oh, maybe it's because the driver isnt here yet

this group of people around me(like 1o of them) will ride the same bus with me

wrong.

dead wrong.

throughout the whole 3 1/2 hour journey to tganu,

i was the only one in the bus

imagine how shocked, flabbergasted,dumfounded, bewildered i was when i found out that i'm the only passenger??

i nearly fainted

yes, i am a drama queen

and i've texted almost everyone i know about my whereabouts

are you freaking kidding me??

alone with the quite young bus driver??

remember the suhaiza incident?( i think that's her name)

of course i was paranoid

i have every rights to be paranoid (i think)

needless to say

i made it to tganu

all safe and sound

thanks to concerned friends who checked up on me almost every half and hour

i now you guys love me

haha

and big thanks to the bus driver who did his job honestly and efficiently (sort of. why did he have to stop for a smoke in Marang is beyond me)

and kudos to him for managing to resist the temptation in the form of the oh so gorgeous yours truly

LOL

anyhoo

the moral of the story is:

1.parents know best. stop arguing with them.

2. trust your instinct.like i said before,i didnt post this earlier because i have a strong feeling that something's going to happen. based on previous experiences as well, i guess my instinct are pretty accurate

3.stop putting labels on people. just because one bus driver did a bad thing, that doesnt mean that all of them are bad. honest bus drivers are awesome! ^_^ (oh teringat abg bus 99. wink to the mgs girls)

the nerve wrecking journey was worth it

i had fun with the girls

and the wedding was quite unique- they had the chinese lion dance as well as the usual kompang

1malaysia i tell u

haha

and never wear white to someone else's wedding

people will mistaken you as the bride

LOL

why do they have to go to school??

2010-01-03T05:38:00.001+13:00

'school is for miserable losers kakak'(kamiel, 2009)

and i'll be a sore loser too,

waiting for you guys to come home everyday from school while i'm at home with nothing to do

~sigh~

forgive me dear friends,

for staying low for the past month

forgive me for not wanting to go to your place

and for not replying your messages

i've been busy

spending as much time as i could with the lil ones

mom said i've become more childish than before

well i guess that's because i've just realised how precious these moments are

this is my last chance

to be with them

while they're still young, innocent, cute, and listen to their big sis

in other words, before they hit puberty

haha

i'm definitely not going to waste this golden chance

so there you go mom

that's the reason why i didn't mind spending my time playing hide and seek (with this size, how the hell did i find a place to hide?)

i did whatever i can to amuse the lil ones

after all, i am their kakak

i had my share of fun too ^_______^

now with the school term is starting soon,

what should i do with all my free time??

oh wait

maybe i'll just sleep until they come home

yeah, that's a great plan (imagine the look on mom's face)

i'll definitely gonna miss this guy

why do you have to go to the boarding school???

kakak will go nuts without you ( but i guess i'm nuts when i'm with you too)

good luck dear ototo kun!

please come home soon! who's gonna wash the dishes??

new year

2010-01-01T04:58:00.002+13:00

i dont have any new resolutions for this year

heck, i never keep one

2009 was ok

i think

definitely not the best year of my life

oh well

looking forward to what the new year will bring

perhaps a new pair of shoes? haha

my birthday is coming soon

keep that in mind

haha

anyhoo

happy new year

be good :)

the boyfriends that i never had

2009-12-09T01:35:00.008+13:00

my ipod is like the boyfriend that i never had
he's faithful (wah, it's a HE) as he's with me all the time through thick and thin
and he understand me (which is rare, based on my extreme mood swings)
he plays sad songs when i'm sad
he plays upbeat songs when im in my study mode
he makes me laugh by showing me videos of friends, flight of the conchords and whose line is it anyway
he plays angry songs when i'm mad
and he always know how to keep me company: by playing my favourites: john mayer or the beatles
and when im walking alone in the dark, he plays the verses from holy quran for me so that i wont be scared
smart aye?

but now
after 2 years of spending almost every single minute together (much to the annoyance of my friends)
he's finally bids me goodbye
i guess he's upset because i keep ignoring him recently
well i have my cheeky brothers and sisiter to keep me company for now,

so i dont really need him to amuse me
i was thinking of giving him some time to rest
but apparently he's not used to having a break
abandoned by me
huhu
ok
well that's just an exxaggeration
i dont know whats wrong with him but he' not functioning well right now
and all i have to do is send him to the nearest apple store
but given that i live in the magical forest of kuantan
of course there's no apple store here
*sigh*
i will fix him someday
or else i'll die man
seriously

eversince he left me
i went back to my ex
the tiny sony portable radio
and guess what
though he's old and not as fancy and as flashy as mr ipod
he's still working pretty well
and he's been with me back in the good old days of boarding school where i'm not allowed to any kind of entertainment but i brought him to school anyway
and hide him in my socks whenever we had spotchecks
guess you never know
what's right for you
you might like something because it appears to be fancier
but perhaps the less fancy ones is more faithful to you
and the right one for you

oh what kind of crap is this
guess im just upset that my ipod's broken
but hanging out with my mini radio definitely brings back memories

the weight issue

2009-12-07T23:12:00.004+13:00

ok let's face it
all female will have something to say about their weight at least once in their life time (and that's what we call a miracle. only once in a lifetime?? get real)
and if you're unlucky, you will meet some of them who practically couldnt finish a sentence without commenting on their/ yours/someone else's weight
"oh I dh gemuk la"
"look at my thunder thighs!!"
"i look like i'm 7 months pregnant"
"perut ak buncit dowh"

"ko cm dh tembam ar"
bla di bla di bla

look
though the weight issue is deemed as one of the sensitive issue ( u know, never ask a woman about her age, and weight)
but oh wow, they do like to talk about it dont they?

among the first things that my friends(and family members) ask me is my non existence love life and yup, wheteher i've gained/lost some weight

i absolutely loathes anyone who has petite little figure and complains that she's fat.
shut up paris hilton
you're not FAT (maybe you will after i put a curse on you)

sheesh girls
seriously
i was never skinny
and i will never be
it's a pity though
when you're a kid, lets say around 4-6
people absolutely adores plump, chubby kids
they called those kids "cute" "adorable" "healthy"
but not anymore when you're in your 20s and look like you've given birth to 3 kids

i used to not to care about my weight
i mean
i'm happy with my curves (yes. statement ala2 kim kardashian)
but it hurts when the people that you thought won't mind about your shape keep on picking about how you look like
i'm happy the way i am
i'm not overweight
so shush

i know that i'm piling up on weights now

that's intentional

i come home to eat my heart out

haha

the thing is,

as i've said before

i was never skinny

and never will be

so why bother?

i'm happy the way i am

but don't get me started on finding clothes at retail stores

they're ridiculous!

ah! to be young and free again!!

2009-12-07T01:00:00.005+13:00

so yeah,
i'm home
home, where the heart is.
here, in kuantan.
though it's pouring heavily over here,
after 2 years abroad, there's no place i'd rather be than home.

when i'm home
it's like i'm 15 again.
except that when i'm 15, my lil sis wasnt even born yet and my grandma doesnt live here. (so everything's waaaayyy better now)

being the 15 year old that i am:
i can wake up late (and not feel guilty about it ;P)
i dont have to cook ( heck, i dont even bothered to be in the kitchen)
i just pretend that i dont have a driver's license so that they can drive me around.haha
good food is always available.
clothes are magically cleaned.
i dont have to spend a single cent on anything (which is a HUGE relief)
and the best part is i can just goof around with my annoying but oh so adorable lil brothers and sis all the time
(yes suhail, that includes you)
just a few days before, we spent hours singing barney songs at the dining table during lunchtime.
yes, that barney.
the purple dinasour with green spots.
good times.

and man, it seems that i never grow up
right now, the favourite thing that would come out of my mouth is "___, are you a goat?"
i even have the guts to ask my mum if she's a goat.
apparently, my brothers are a cow and a camel and my sister is an elephant.
cmon guys, goats are freaking awesome!

ah, it feels so good and so right to be home

oh yeah,
when you behave like a 15 year old, u get treated like a 15 year old
mum still ordered me around and scold me like a child
oh well, i asked for it :P

the third wheel

2009-12-07T00:17:00.008+13:00

instead of going straight back home to malaysia
we've decided to have a trip to australia instead and head back home from melbourne.
so i've spend 12 days in Gold Coast, Sydney and Melbourne.
which was awesome.
australia was hot and exciting.
well, more exciting than new zealand (like duh)
but there's no place i rather study in than the windy wellington.
new zealand is such a beautiful country.
enough said.

the trip consisted of the 6 of us: 2 pairs of lovebirds and 2 fantastic, incredibly awesome girls (that's us dear aten :p)
though i have aten as my "partner", i still regarded myself as "the third wheel" during the whole trip.
lemme tell you something
being the third wheel can be boring and lonely at times
there are times when you feel like such a loser for being awesomely single

according to this month's issue of cleo (whoa, a very reliable source aye)

"hanging of a guy's arm is regarded as a sign that you're desirable and worthwhile"

but most of the times, boy, am I glad that I'm not tied down to anyone
being in relationship costs you money (esp if you're the guy. tsk2)
and time.
and requires lotsa patience (which, lets face it, I have none)

and yeah,
i dont need a boyfriend to carry my bags,
i can just ask yours to carry mine (who can't resist to help a damsel in distress? lol)
thanks dely ;P (ak xtaula kalu ko sumpah seranah ak ke dlm hati tp thanks a lot babe. and yeah, thanks to erin too. haha)

oh well
girls,
stop thinking that you need a guy to complete you.
being single can be the best time of your life if you adopt the right attitude(ayat cleo)

fin.

p/s- i actually hate this post. makes me sound so shallow. oh well. perhaps i am shallow.

welcome home

2009-11-29T15:36:00.002+13:00

6.30 am- LCCT malaysia woohoo!!
first stop: the public toilet
wet, muddy floor
toilet bowl with urine still in it
no toilet papers
pads, tampons and tissues all over the floor

yup.
i'm definitely at the right place/
welcome home

in repair

2009-11-10T14:10:00.002+13:00

I'm in repair, I'm not together but I'm getting there

*in John Mayer -craze mode*

dirgahayu oh tanah airku

2009-11-02T22:34:00.003+13:00

lately ni, the girls around me slalu ckp psl org2 negeri2 tertentu
contoh: xnk org negeri X sebab pemalas, org negeri Y pengotor, org negeri Z x lawa etc etc

uiiii
dulu berkira pasal kaum
ni dh sama kaum kira ikut negeri pule
1malaysia kunun
ak pun tahaaaaaaaan je telinga kn dgr korg sindir2 org2 negeri yg ak bsangkut paut
cet
saba jela

tp really,
how far is this stereotype true anyway?
how relevant is it now?

take me for example,
i was born in Terengganu,
live there in Kertih until i'm 8
and then i moved to Johor until I'm 14
and up until now I live in Kuantan (ok, i admit i have trouble saying I live in Pahang. sheesh. there's something about saying you're from Pahang.idk)
so when people ask me, "asal mana?"
what do you mean by that?
so i was born in Terengganu, my mum from tganu tp tobat x reti ckp tganu. paham yes. ckp, bunyi sgt fake ok. and I live there until standard 2 je. i dont think it's fair for me to admit that i'm from tganu.
there's nothing wrong with tganu ok.
kampungku di sane though dh xde sape dh di sane.
oh rindunye nk makan nasi dagang n kepok lekor!
so kalu org ckp pape2 buruk psl tganu, ak sentap ok..haha

n nk ckp i org johor sgtlah x
tp i grew up in johor. kt ctu i leaned a lot of stuff .
8-14 years old, time tu u tgh develop, nk blaja bfikir sume
tp i have no relatives watsoever from there
so no. bukn org johor
but johor meant a lot to me

n i dont want to say i org pahang
no relatives there
n i really live there like from form3-form 5 je
after that dh x duk umah
if u ask me jln2 kt kuantan pun idk
i tau jln nk g skola , g megamall n teluk cempedak je
lol

my point is
x sume org stay kt satu negeri tu dr kecik smpai ble2
i think my generation dh ramai yg nomad kot
parents asyik pindah2
so bila u pindah2
ur views changed
ur perspectives, behaviour etc sume tu ade influence from the places that you'e been to
so for me,
i dont think it's fair to judge someone based on "negeri" dia
really, which negeri u nk judge?
negeri lahir or negeri die menetap sekarang?

for me,
the most important thing is the family
the upbringing
x kesahla kalu mak dia org negeri A and the dad from negeri B.
people changed
their views and actions are shaped by many other factors
education for example
not just the place of birth

so yeah,
i'm glad that i'm one of those nomad people
i dont favour this state more than the other
where my family is that's the place i call home

dari pening2 pikir si dia tu org mane
baek consider agama dia mcmane ;P

kata 1malaysia
semua negeri pun same jugelah
but everyone is different

sgt malas nk exam ni.
sigh.
i wanna go home
back to kuantan

so long. farewell. goodbye.

2009-10-30T22:35:00.009+13:00

today's my last day at the workplace
i have to stop working to prepare myself for the exam (yeah rite) n then go back to Malaysia after two loooongggg years.
back home, where the heart (aka my lil sis) is.
i'm so relieved that i dont have to work anymore.
so now i have more time for myself.
but i'm also extremely sad to leave the kids behind.
yeah, they're a bunch of noisy, naughty, silly little monsters
but that's what makes them...kids.
no matter how rude or how troublesome they are,
when they hugged you at the end of the day..
that's all that matters.
when they waved at you in the middle of the street or when they stopped by to hug you and smile at you,
you feel..
appreciated.
loved (ok. maybe not)
but yeah,
it's fulfilling.
the job doesnt pay much
and travelling to and from the workplace consumed A LOT of time
and money (for the busfare)
but I would definitely say that among the jobs that I've done (there's 7 of them in total).
this is by far, the best job I've ever had.
and i'm sure gonna miss them a lot.

but not as much as i miss this girl:

my lil sis is no longer lil.booooo

here's something that I wish to share from my experience
for future reference (in case you're gonnna be a parent in the future):
-always pick up your kids early from school. they dont like to be the last one to leave. it's ok to be late every once in a while.not everyday.
-listen to the kids. they have the right to be heard. sometimes, you learn more from the kids than you did from anyone else.
-support them to think and be independent. don't spoon fed them. how do you know that they won't be able to do something if you don't let them try and learn by themselves? you'll be surprised how creative these kids are. even the small ones!
-everyone is different. and different approach is needed for different kids. if your firstborn can read by the age of 3 but the second one doesnt, that doesnt mean that the latter is stupid, you just need a different approach to help he/she to learn.
-be patient. extremely patient.
-always answer their questions. dont just blew them off. even simple questions like "what is she doing outside?". don't say"it's none of your business"(even if it is none of their business). when they asked questions, that means that they want to learn. kids are curious little creatures, give them the necessary information. encourage them to ask more questions , more inquisitive.
-play with them. no matter how busy you are. spend some time with them. they need attention as much as you do. they also have feelings, just like you.

simple stuff.
stuff that you already knew
but believe me, those things are hard to do.

i hope i'm able to work there again next year :)

p/s-goodbye cohort 4. will miss you guys!

beer with me

2009-10-13T21:58:00.004+13:00

Yeast, apparently the kiwi accent has been rated the most attractive and prestigious form of English outside the UK in a BBC survey.

Respondents from throughout the UK completed an online survey rating the prestige and social attractiveness of 34 different English accents.

The kiwi "fush and chups" came seven places ahead of Australia's "sex and Seedney" - and nine ahead of the American accent in terms of attractiveness.

for full story, click here

funny ay?

p/s- thanks to kak shark for sharing the link!

usrah minggu lepas: al-hilmi (pun unintended)

2009-10-07T22:20:00.002+13:00

ye rakan2 yg memahami (yg xphm, xpyh tny)
gelak dulu puas2
haha

lately ni, well,
kalu refer to my previous posts (oh dh delete aye?)
byk entry yg sgt emo
ye, ak mmg emo pn
(ske aumm2 bab kate yuyu ;p)
tp that doesnt mean that i like to stay that way
korang suke ke org emo?
x kn.
knp org emo?
sbb die kurg al-hilmi.

ape tu al-hilmi?
al-hilmi ialah......

i. Bahasa, iaitu

1. Tenang ketika marah atau menghadapi sesuatu yang tidak disukai. Sedangkan dia mampu untuk marah dan ada kuasa.

2. Tenang dan mendisiplin diri.

3. Akal (rasional). Terdapat dalam al-Quran:

Adakah mereka disuruh oleh akal fikiran mereka melemparkan tuduhan-tuduhan yang sedemikian itu. (at-Tur: 32)

ii. Al-Halim, Salah Satu Nama Allah

1. Al-Khoththobi berkata: Al-Halim (kata nama @ sifat bagi perkataan al-Hilmi) bermaksud, Yang mempunyai sifat pema'af dan tenang. Tidak digiat atau digugat oleh kemarahan. Tidak pula dapat diperbodoh oleh kebodohan orang yang bodoh dan tindakan derhaka orang yang derhaka. Yang tenang, iaitu yang tidak gopoh menghukum. Akan tetapi Dia menjadikan bagi tiap-tiap sesuatu itu ukuran tertentu dan ia tunduk kepadanya.

2. Al-Ghazali menambah: Al-Halim bermaksud, Yang tidak dihinggapi rasa marah dan tidak didorong oleh sikap gopoh dan tiada pertimbangan untuk cepat membalas dendam. Sedangkan Dia benar-benar mampu berbuat demikian (membalas dendam).

Dan kalaulah Allah mengirakan kesalahan manusia serta terus menyeksa mereka disebabkan amal-amal jahat yang mereka telah kerjakan, tentulah Dia tidak membiarkan tinggal di muka bumi sesuatu makhluk yang bergerak. (Fathir: 45)

- cuba bayangkan, kalau Allah swt tidak bersifat tenang dan pemaaf, kita semua ni yang banyak berdosa ni dah lama dimusnahkan kot. Takutkan?

iii. Sifat Al-Hilmi Pada Manusia

Sifat al-hilmi yang ada pada manusia menunjukkan kesempurnaan dan penguasaan akal. Ia juga menunjukkan kekuatan marah mengalah dan tunduk kepada arahan akal.

-kiranya x mengikut nafsu la tapi bertindak berdasarkan akal.kawalan nafsu yg mantap!

ingatkan nk rephrase balik ayat2 ni tp tbe2 malas la pule
knp pentingnya sifat al-Hilmi ni?
rasanya xperlula nk explain berjela2 sbb semua org pn bole fikir kn, knapa perlunya sifat sabar n tenang ni.

tapi kan..
ape tanda2 sifat al-hilmi ni?

1. Bersabar menghadapi gangguan orang-orang yang jahil dan tidak berdendam.

2. Menghormati pandangan orang yang tidak sependapat dengan kita.

3. Berusaha melihat aspek positif yang terdapat dalam pandangan yang tidak selari dengan pandangannya dan mengambil faedah daripadanya.

4. Kurang perbalahan dan pertelingkahan.

5. Dikasihi dan dihormati.

6. Mengaku kesalahan yang dilakukan dan berlaku adil terhadap diri.

tapi tu la kan,
kite ni,
perasaan berubah2.
kdg2 cool, kdg2 rasa cm nk cungkil2 biji mata org pun ade kn,
so ape nk buat bila rasa mcm nk emo, marah, aumm2??

Apakah Tindakan ketika Marah?

1. Berlindung kepada Allah daripada syaitan terkutuk.

2. Jika anda berdiri, duduk. Jika anda duduk, hendaklah ba-ring atau baring menelentang.

3. Tinggalkan tempat itu, jika anda belum merasa tenang.

4. Pergi dan berwuduk.

5. Lakukan solat dua raka'at dan panjangkan sujud.

6. Perbanyakkan do'a yang ma`tsur. Iaitu "Ya Allah, ya Tuhan kami, Tuhan nabi Muhammad s.a.w.. Ampunkan dosaku, hilangkan kemarahan hatiku dan peliharalah aku daripada kesesatan fitnah.”(cantik kan ayat dia?)

ye rakan2.
itulah al-hilmi
kalu nk suami penyabar
mungkin kne cari yg bernama hilmi kot? (pun intended)
or maybe not
haha

ok the point is,
kita haruslah tenang dan sabar ketika marah, walaupun kita sebenarnya berhak untuk rasa marah.
gunakan akal yang rasional, xpayah nk kalut2.
ingat ye, "sabar itu adalah pada permulaan".
so first reaction kita adalah sabar yeh.
tapi sabar pun berpada2.
jgnlah sampai kita ditindas or sampai kita diperbodohkan yeh.
berbaliklah semula kepada menggunakan akal yg rasional itu :)

selamat beramal!

a breath of fresh air

2009-10-02T17:29:00.004+13:00

talking to someone outside your circle of friends is indeed amazing.
sometimes, that is (not all the time. depending on who you're talking to really)

the thing with hanging out with the same group of friends is,
eventually, you guys are so used to each other, and you know almost everything about each other, you ran out of topics to talk about.
interesting topics, i mean.
on top of that, since we always hang out together,
we tend to act, behave and think alike.
don't get me wrong,
i love my friends and wouldn't trade them for the world,
but sometimes,
having the same conversation,
doing the same activities,
posing for pictures the same way,
going to the same place over and over again can get pretty tedious.

you know what makes life more exciting?
well, it's the same old cliche:
trying something different,
challenges blablabla

but i guess it's true.
yesterday, i went to work at another branch of my after school care company in wadestown (i work in newlands).
since there's only 3 kids left, i get to talk with the other guy who work there.
we talk about work mostly and his ideas and visions simply just blew me away.
he's so passionate and and enthusiastic about his job that i feel embarrassed of my own attitude towards my job.
and his view on life is amazingly positive.
i won't go into details of our conversation,
but
talking to other people certainly allows you to explore different point of view.
fresh perspectives.
new ideas.
widen your horizon.
exciting.
spiced up ur life al lil bit.
that sorta thing.
suddenly you realized that there's a whole new world.
and you kinda appreciate your differences as well.
but most importantly, it gets you to THINK.
which i seem to have neglected recently.
poor brain of mine :(

and yeah, well you don't just agree with everyone.
sometimes, you end up meeting a person who has very different views.
that will lead to a debate (again, it depends on the person and topic).
a healthy one that is.
which is better coz then you started to think and justify your beliefs or things that you seem to take for granted.

the point is,
meeting someone else every once in a while is refreshing.
but having someone that you love and comfortable with by your side all the time is priceless :)

p/s: new people= interesting=exciting= might also be a formula for an affair.
well that's one of the excuse from people who has a mistress or something like that.
i'm just saying ;P

sell the fish

2009-09-26T18:20:00.003+12:00

selfish.
how do you define selfish action?
how do you justify your actions really?
how do you determine which one is for selfish reasons and which isn't?

loyalty.
how do you show that you are loyal to someone?
in case you didn't know,
actions speak louder than words

trust.
there's no one u can trust now
not even yourself
have faith in Allah
He's always there for u

care.
it's hard to stop caring
even when it hurts
how stupid are we
to care more than we should

minority.
discrimination.
friendship.
through thick n thin.
illusion.

i know
this sound so stupid
it doesnt rhyme or anything
i'm feeling so blaaahhhh right now
i dont care
its my freakin blog and i can write whatever i like
i prolly delete this entry nway
so yeah

apparently, being considerate of others is such a hard thing to do
and you never know how insignificant u are in the eyes of others
the world does not revolves around me, i know that too well by now.

anyhoo
selamat hari raya
maaf zahir batin
thanks heaps to those who come to my open house today
it was fun
and thanks to those who voted (or forced to vote? ) for me
this event definitely make me feel so close to my housemates.
finally.
sadly, it's a bit too late.
oh well
tough luck

aku, kau dan dia

2009-09-11T22:55:00.002+12:00

bukan psl cinta tiga segi ok

after TE and after returning back to work (if I havent mentioned it before, I now work as an after school care supervisor. I look after 20+ kids in a primary school from 3-6pm almost everyday. the job doesnt pay much coz the bus fare is riddiculously expensive but the experience and opportunity given is priceless) I've realized what make us (the Asians in general) and them (the West) so different.

obviously our culture is different but the most important thing is, in our culture, we RESPECT each other, especially the elders notably our parents and teachers.
we even respect our "seniors"who might be just slightly older than us, that is why we have the terms like "abang", "kakak", "senpai","sunbae" "noona", "oppa" etc.
respect in terms of age, status etc
when you respect someone, it shows in your attitude and behaviour.
right?

while on TE, i've heard many comments on the kids-how they behave really badly, how hard it is to control them, and most importantly how disrespectful they are to the teacher. I witnessed those behaviour myself.
When I return back to work after 2 week break for TE,i was astounded to find the kids at my workplace to behave really awful. They become a lot worst than before. They didnt listen to a single word the staff said, heck, they even mocked us back.

there's a big difference on behaving like a child (as in behavng like lil adorable monsters) and being disrespectful. and for me, they are being disrespectful. you know, like those kids in Supernanny.

now now, why do u think such spoiled rotten brats in Supernanny exists?
It may have to do something to do with the culture.
You see, they dont believe that smacking the children is the right thing to do. It's considered as abusive mind you. Violent to be exact. So in their eyes, my harmless parents are violent creatures coz they smacked us if we did something wrong (e.g- pernah ditampar oleh emak kerana mulut celupar sgt -__-" )
and you're not supposed to raise your voice to them.lemak bukan? (if the kids screamed at the parents, harus bsabar jela. kamu berani nk jerit kt mak kamu?)
or asking your ill-behaved student to stand on the chair during lesson is definitely a big no-no.
so instead of taking any physical action, they deal with their kids using reason.
ok, i must admit that reasoning is a good way to teach your kids.
besides highlighting that their action is wrong, you also get the kids to think and understand why their behaviour is unacceptable.
but then again,
kids are kids.
they dont really listen (do u expect a 5 year old with short attention span to really pay attention?)
and they dont remember.
they need structure.
they need something else more firm.
they need to see the effect of their actions.
i dont entirely agree that punishment is the solution to everything.
of course not.
the first step should be reasoning.
punishing the children without explaining the reason behind the action is just plain stupid.
you're mentally abusing the child as well coz he/she might think that you might hate them and that's why they're being punished (ok, i read too much books)
but if reasoning doesnt work, then u can get physical.
ala, jentik je sudahla.
as a reminder not to repeat it anymore.
(ah, my dad sergah sikit je pn dh tobat xnk wat lg ;P )

but here,
where respecting the elders are not important,
and the children were given too much rights,
controlling them proves to be a problem.
kurang ajar org melayu ckp
even my workmate, a chinese malaysian lady complained that it's hard to control the kids coz takde budi bahasa. xde sopan santun.
yeah i know, sopan sgt kah kite ni pun?
berbudi bahasa sgt ke?
tapi one thing for sure, seurban mane pn kamu,
seblond mane pn rambut kamu,
tp if ur an Asian,
kamu pasti akan respect org yg lebih tua dari kamu

i must admit,
this is a broad generalisation. it doesnt applies to everyone.
and you can say that i'm actually biased to my own culture.
ok then, this is just my personal point of view.

those kids are driving me nuts! i was thinking of quitting th job, but when they come and give me a hug or say that the highlight of their day is when they get to meet me after school, you know how your mere existence matters to them..

p/s- ma, dlu ma slalu ckp time kakak tgh degil (of course i'm no angel myself =P) "tunggula bile dh ade anak sndiri, bru paham mcmane mama rase". i dont think i have to have my own children to understand what u mean ma xD

akibat off task

2009-09-08T23:20:00.006+12:00

click click
lelaki comel yang pandai menari
lirik lagu yg extra cheesy
yg menyebabkn ak giggle n squeal cm school girls
membencikan.
~sigh~

best lesson ever!

2009-09-04T22:11:00.003+12:00

Nerve-wrecking
tear jerking
blood sweating
sleep depriving
exhausting
T.E

(I pretend not to notice the spelling error)

in the end, that what makes all the difference.

unfair expectations

2009-09-02T17:30:00.002+12:00

it's hard not to take it personally,
when its my personality that you're attacking.

it's hard to be professional,
when i just started learning to be one.

it's hard not to fall down and crumble,
when i'm expecting you to back me up.

it's hard to stay positive,
when you're overwhelmed by the negatives.

it's hard to be inclusive,
when you yourself,didn't understand our differences.

it's hard to see the truth,
when you're sugarcoating everything.

it's hard not to say it's hard,
when you are being unreasonably unfair.

it's hard not to cry,
when it really hurts.

menjadi seorang guru adalah sangat memenatkan sampai earthquake pun x sedar

2009-08-29T06:11:00.003+12:00

for more information on the earthquake, you can go here or here

my first week of TE is well, tiring
left the house at 7, arrived home around 5
after tarawikh, immediately pengsan
but then again, we have to teach pule
so after tarawikh kne la bace2 resource and wat lesson plan
fuh
penat
sangat penat sampai x sedar langsung ade earthquake
okla, rasenye terbangun juge around dat time (ingatkn dh time sahur) tp ble tgk jam cm awal lg so sambung tdo balik
without noticing anything
so the next day bile pegi skola, everyone was talking about the quake
and i was like whaaaaaaaattt? there's an earthquake last night? i didnt feel a thing!
and they said that the quake is pretty strong this time
utk mnyedapkn hati,
ak pn ckp dlm hati, oh,maybe area2 cni je kot yg rase
haha
yeah rite, bile balik umah
sume housemate ku ckp diorg rase
n sume gelakkn tahap tdo mati ak yg melampau(the quake was felt strongly throughout the wellington area ok)
haha
oh well, xpela, korg ckp cm scary pn kn
seb baek la ak dilindungi dr perasaan cemas itu (yela tu..kalu betul2 dhsyat, ko tgh atas katil ye cik sha,bukn tdo bwh meja :P)

hahaha
sape ckp jd cikgu rilek je meh cni ak cungkil biji mata
penat woo
dan merbahaya rupenye (yela, ade earthquake pn x sdar. x ke bahaya tu? haha)

and then yesterday was my 1st time to teach the whole class
and during my lesson..
mmg tgh nervous abis la
sbb tibe2 baru sdar article yg difotostat tu x sempurna, diorg x bole bace coz byk gkla missing words
tgh glabah2 nk wat ape ek..
skali fire alarm pule berbunyi
cikgu tu pn dh pelik, coz ni bukn fire drill
maka bertempiaran la mereka menyelamatkn diri
"wah, saved by the bell!!"getus ak dlm hati
rase sungguh gembira
krn lesson td mcm dh ala2 disaster la kn
tp malangnye,
tiada kebakaran(isk,adeke mtk skola terbakar? isk3)
maka, pengajaran harus diteruskan!
haha
tp in a way, bgus gkla lesson terinterrupted jap
bolela wat self-reflection jap and change my instructions jap

fuh
that's the end of week 1
will talk more on the school system, the students, attitudes and behaviour later
for now, i want to enjoy my weekend to the max!!! (duit mara dh msuk!! wheee~)

AYUH BANTU PALESTIN!!!!

am not ready yet.

2009-08-23T23:17:00.003+12:00

In less than 10 hours from now (if you trust my arithmatic skills :P),
I will finally going to experience what it's like to be a teacher in Aotearoa.

urgh, teaching experience.
why now?
oh, ujian bulan Ramadhan.
but of course, if not now then when?
sooner or later i have to endure this right?
right?right?
RIGHT.

after visiting my associate teacher last friday, I've realised that there's a lot of things that I didnt know about the school system here.
and i do mean A LOT.
my teacher keepS on rambling about the teacher's duties, syndicates, days, activities blablabla which i have absolutely no idae what she's talking about.
too bad i didnt pay much attention during TEAP.
but i doubt that they explained the system thoroughly during the lessons anyway.

oh God, I am absolutely anxious right now.
I dont think I can sleep well tonight but I need to!!
I have to get off to school by 7am tomorrw and won't be leaving the school until 3pm.
waaaaaaaayyyyyyy busier than uni days.
urgh.
there goes my holidays.
adieu my 2 weeks spring break~
hopefully it's going to be a meaningful one.
(of course it's going to be meaningful,i am being graded for this. sigh.wpun x baik mengeluh.SIGH)

oh well, wish me luck!!
I am definitely going to enjoy this opportunity to the MAX!! (i have to, i have to, i have to, ihave to, but i wish i could just laze around at home for 2 weeks.huhu)
Evans Bay Intermediate School, here I come~~

p/s-about the assignment. i didnt understand how, but somehow i managed to complete it on time. oh well, 3 cheers for me for handing in the assignment on time.!!!this should be the last reminder for me not to procrastinate ever again(uhuh. yeah rite. u said it all d time S ;p)

i wont ask for an extension if i dont really need one

2009-08-20T21:53:00.003+12:00

i really
dont like
sosc 111
the class is too big
the subject is quite hard
too much information at one time
the lecture notes on blackboard are not helping at all
my coursemates are not friendly
the lecturers are dull
and it's at 9am
oh well
at least not 8

and i am soo mad that the fact that they wont grant me an extension
i have 2 tests this week and on the same day of the due date
what did you expect?
i tried to complete the assignment earlier but what did you expect?
the tutorial to discuss this assignment was just last week.
i couldnt even understand the question before the tutorial.
there's only few readings i can do at one time.

sangat x suke ok.
and bile x suke, i always just shut down.
trus x nk wat assignmnet.
haha
silly?
i know.
but i really dont care.

jahiliyyah kite

2009-08-18T22:41:00.002+12:00

knp
bila diajak buat kebaikan,
pnylah liat nk join.
bermcm2 alasan la diberi.
tp,
kalau ditegur ape yg dirasekn kurg betul,
wahh
bukn main mengelabah nk tegakkn "kebenaran".
bertungkus lumus nk justify ur actions.
utk sape ur justification tu?
society?
The One who created you?
or sbb nk sdapkn diri sndiri sbb deep down inside, pernah terdetik bhw ape yg bakal or sdg dilakukn tu kurg betul?

chill babe.
ak pn sentap gk psl tu.
i'm no different than any of us.

kamu yg mengur,
ada silapnya dgn cara kamu tu.
berusahalah utk memperbaiki.
sy tahu niat kamu baik.

like i've mentioned few times before,
nk berdakwah ni,
ada caranye.
kalu betul and kena caranye,
insya Allah x jd msalah.
kalau x kne tu, cari d mana silapnye,
blaja perbaiki diri n cara dakwah yg lg berkesan.
kalau yg 2x5 tu.....

oh well,
what's life without hardships?
zmn nabi berdakwah dulu,
bukan main susah bukan.
adakh kita kini sudah kembali ke zmn jahiliyyah?
d mana yg salah dikatakn benar, yg benar dikatakn salah?
wallahualam.

ape2 pn,
kamu yg ke masjid,
kamu yg join usrah.
jgn anggap diri kamu baik sgt.
siapa kamu nk judge org?
siapa kamu nk decide kamu lg baik dr org lain?
walau kamu g masjid n join usrah,
tp at the same time masih meriah menganyam ketupat,
ape beza kamu dgn org lain?
mngumpat kn bes.
oh silap.
term skrg bergosip uolss
bru class.
haha.
ak xckp psl org laen.
ak ckp psl diri sndiri.
yes,
ak join usrah.
yes, ak kuat anyam ketupat juge.
proses nk berubah ke arah kebaikan takes time ok(alasan)
n ak xkn ckp ak lg baek dr korang.
ak tahu sape ak.
n dosa2 ak.
x layak ak nk ckp ak lg baik dr korang.

tp ak harap,
jgn sbb sorg,
sume dak usrah kt welly ni pn korg nk pndg serong.
ak rase slame ni,
kami x pnh kaco idup korg,
slain dr nk ajk wat kebaikan.
takde paksaan.
nk join, silakn.
kalu xde org pnh ajk, bole je tny sape2 yg kamu knal n btau kmu nk join.
tepuk dada, tny selera la babe.

ak xphm dgn komen2 yg ckp 'dak2 usrah ni, kalu jmpe org yg cm kurg baik tepi jln, die senyum je. tp kalu die jmpe yg npk cm sopan2 sket (geng2 die la) , trus die stop, tegur n bsalaman'.

aiyoo babe,
ape ni.
common sense la.
1.kalu jmpe kt jln2 tu msti slalunye ade hal la tu. nk g mane2 ke n most importantly,
2.dak usrah pn cm kamu gk la. kmu pn obviously la kalu jmpe geng kamu akn btegur sape, dgn org yg kamu biase2 kamu snyum je la kn? at least senyum ok, dr trus avoid eye contact. hehe. klaka la. ni pn bole jd isu.

oh well.
sapelah ak nk ckp sume ni.
ak pn manusia biasa yg xpernah lari dr wat silap.
mcm skrg, ptut stdy utk test esok tp ak sibuk wat blog. haha

cmon ppl.
rapatkn ukhuwwah.
bukn nk bgaduh.
community kite ni kecik je.
sume org knal sume org kot (at least knal muke kalu xtau name pn)
apela yg kamu dpt kalu bsengketa n nk blame sume org.
ok.malas nk kuakn theory2 sociologists. assignment x siap lg.huuuuu

till then.
p/s- diharapkan xde sape yg rase offended. mcm biase, i dont think anyone will read my blog anyway (-_-')

khas buat yuyu

2009-08-16T21:46:00.002+12:00

yu,
bru seminit kot ko kua dr umah ni.
ak dh sdey dh.
huhuuhuu
sori ak slalu emo.
sori ak slalu aummmm2 kt ko.
sori kalu ko ade terase dgn ak.
ak sdey la ko dh xde.
ak xde nk halau2 ko ok.
huong tu je kot.
dengki.
huhuhu
tp ak phm
ko kne balik.
umah ko kt tpt laen.
ko byr sewa sume2 kn.
semoge ur favourite pet dh xde dh kt umah tu.

isk, lebat pule ujan mlm ni.
cmnela ko redah ujan tu ek.
beg ko berat tu.
sure sejuk nnt kn.
jgn jeles, ak xyah byr pkai heater ni. hehe

thanx yu, sbb byk sabar dgn ak.
thanx gk, sbb menghiburkn ak.
ak boring gels duk kt umah ni.
org2 x same wavelength katenye.

slmt kembali ke umah mu~
kalau ko rase nk dtg umah ak lg, my door is always open 4 u.
melainkan tbe2 ak dpt rum8 baru la kn.
dh halfway through the trimester dh pn, i doubt i'll get a new roomate soon.

ak doakn ko bergembira d hadfield trc itu.
besnye, dapur sebelah bilik ko je.
huhu

ok yu,
ak ni mcm xkn jumpe ko lagi je kn.
tp dis sem cm xde chance nk lepak2 pn
klas pn laen2
huuu

nk kua memane ajakla ak
tp sperti yg ko dh maklum,
nk ajak ak kne bgtau at least sehari sebelum,
ak xske la kua on the spot2 dh ni.
wanita bekerjaya la katakan.
masa itu wang ok.

gnite yu.
tonite i'll sleep with the lights on (eceh, mcm ape je bunyi ;P)

time to freak out!!

2009-08-16T19:08:00.002+12:00

two tests and one bloody difficult assignment due next week!!
and i am not prepared for any of them!!
i really wish i could scream my head off. yeah, like screaming would help completing my essay.

anyways,
i bet everyone has their own place where they are most comfortable at.
the place that you really like to spend your time with.
the most peaceful or fun place for you.
without anything to disturb you.
for example, the gym, the mall, the library, your own room, the beach etc

well for me,
it's the kitchen.

yup guys, i like to be in the kitchen.
(but i dont like it when it's messy with other people's stuff.is it so hard to clean up after you're done cooking?? kebersihan itu sebahagian daripada iman ok people)

the thing is,
i like to be in the kitchen alone.
if i said i'm going to cook, that means, nobody else is allowed to go to the kitchen with me (well, except for the other housemates who don't share their food with me).
anybody who has been friends with me and even lived with me should know this particular rule really well by now:
no one is allowed to "help" when sha is in the kitchen(her own kitchen, that is).

i don't need "help".
if i do, i will ask for it.
but if i didn't, don't ever volunteer to "help".
if i said "no" for the first time, that's it.
no means NO.

but i guess some people just don't get it.

i don't know why it pisess me off so badly, but it did.
i just couldnt help it,ok.
i'm pretty much like mum who always send me away coz she claimed that i'm "too slow" and it "slowing down her production" or something like that.
but i get it.
if you're not familiar with my kitchen, you wouldn't even know where i put my stuff. and it annoys me when people keep asking the same question(where do you put this and this?) again and again and again.
that is why, i prefer to cook alone.
and that is why i rarely volunteer to help to cook at other people's house.
(aside from the fact that i'm pretty lazy to help too ;P)

on top of that,
i've become really self-conscious if other people watching me cooking.
and i truly despise these questions:
"msk ape tu?" (suke hati ak la nk msk apeeeeee. yg penting halal ok)
"oh, msk ni kne letak tu ek? x penah la pule ak tgk org msk mcmtu. mak ak x letak bla3" (mak ko, mak ko la. ak msk style laen suke hati laaa. dh terang lg bersuluh, i'm not your mother. aduhai)
"knape kne wat cmni, peliknye bla3"
"eeeiii.. manede org letak tu dlm tu bla3"

hello people.
different people, different cooking style.
it's not like i dont know what i'm doing.
if you don't like it, just keep your mouth shut.
if you want to ask questions, find a better way to ask without sounding like you're criticizing that person.

having other people observing me when i'm cooking usually have a pretty bad effect on:
1. me. haruslah emo yg terkire.
2. the food. will not taste as good as i imagined it should be (dh msk tgh marah.apekah.and terlebey nervous babe)

so there you go.
i'm sorry if i offended anyone,
i just want to clear things up.
for my future housemates (i dont know who laa)
don't come near me when it's my turn to cook!(ade lg ke org nk jd housemate ak pasni?)

(matila nk wat ape kalu mak mentua nk jugk dtg mnyibuk tgk org msk ke ape ke)

ayuh bantu palestin!

2009-08-15T13:07:00.001+12:00

Assalammualaikum semua~

Apa khabar? Diharapkan semuanya sihat2 hendaknya 
Dalam kita bergembira menjalani kehidupan di bumi Wellington ini, pernahkah anda terfikir bagaimana pula dengan saudara-saudara kita di Palestin?

Pernahkah anda terfikir untuk membantu saudara-suadara Palestin kita tetapi tidak tahu bagaimana caranya?

Jangan bimbang, kami ada satu cadangan!
Bersempena dengan Roadshow Palestin New Zealand 2009 ini, kami melancarkan tabung khas untuk Palestin. Pemberian sumbangan boleh diberikan samada dalam bentuk bantuan kewangan ataupun barangan. Antara barang yang boleh disumbangkan termasuklah hasil karya lukisan (kami pasti ramai yg kreatif2 dan berbakat ni), barangan elektrik(heater, printer, periuk nasi etc), gadget elektronik(rase2 kalau korg dh xnk pkai iPod korg tu :P), baju(oh tp bukan costume korg pkai smlm tu yek ;P. Sisters2 yg ade byk tudung2 or selendang2 yg x pakai2 pn etc), buku-buku (buku2 ilmiah mahupun novel2 yg menarik) atau apa sahaja yang dirasakan sesuai untuk disumbangkan. Hasil kutipan barangan akan dilelongkan pada hari kemuncak Ayuh Bantu Palestin (ABP) di Wellington yang bakal berlangsung pada 29 Ogos 2009. Hasil duit lelongan akan disalurkan ke dalam tabung Palestin. Segala penyerahan barangan boleh dilakukan pada bila-bila masa sehingga tarikh 26 Ogos 2009. Ayuh rakan-rakan!!! sama-samalah kita menghulurkan bantuan, walaupun nilainya kecil dimata kita tetapi amat bermakna buat saudara kita di sana.
Perumpamaan orang yang menginfakkan hartanya di jalan Allah seperti sebutir biji yang menumbuhkan tujuh tangkai, pada setiap tangkai ada seratus biji. Allah melipatgandakan bagi siapa yang Dia kehendaki, dan Allah Mahaluas, Maha Mengetahui".
(Al-Baqarah: 261)

Ingat ye, barang2 yg disumbangkan akan dilelongkan. So bear in mind, bila nk donate barang2 tu, sila tnya pada diri sendiri ”rase2nye, ade org x nk beli brg2 ak ni?”.
Kutipan barang akan dibuat pada hari esok, Ahad,16 Ogos 2009.Jangan bimbang, kami akan dating ke rumah andar untuk pick up barangan tersebut ;)
Sekiranya anda berminat untuk menyumbangkan barangan untuk dilelong, sila hantar email ke apple_blossom191@yahoo.com

Atau boleh hubungi :
Ore-021-02343437
Ain Arfah- 021-0379730

Untuk maklumat lanjut mengenai Roadshow Aman Palestin sila layari www.seedofislam.blogspot.com

Ayuh sama2 kita bukakan mata melihat Palestin kini, pinjamkan
telinga mendengar mengenai Palestin, ringankan tangan membantu
Palestin dan lembutkan hati dan ikhlaskan diri untuk hadiri
Roadshow Palestin.

“Untukmu doa2 kami wahai Al-Aqsho yang mulia dan Palestina yang
tercinta. Kami kan terus bersama mu…”

apa khabar iman kamu hari ini?

2009-08-09T00:48:00.002+12:00

seriously,
apa khabar iman kamu hari ini?

sejak kebelakangan ni
ak rase
iman ak agk goyah.
oh Tuhan,
ak sgt takut.

while doing my research for the upcoming sociology assignment (wah, cik sha wat assignment awal, yeah rite), i've stumbled upon a sentence, just a sentence, yg mampu menggoyahkan imanku.

'God is a fantasied being upon whom man projected his own highest powers and faculties, who thus is seen as perfect and all-powerful, and in contrast to whom man himself appears as limited and imperfect'.

sng ckp,
God is created by human.
but because we human has limited abilities, thus, we imagine our God to have all those power that we, mere humans will never have.
mcm Superman.
since normal human being x bole terbang,
kite bayangkan dan reka satu superhero yg bole terbang.
and kite puja and besarkan superhero tu.

ape yg ak blaja so far psl religion,
most of them(Marx, Weber, Durkhiem) view religion as a product,
and as a way to control and maintain social order.
another form of sociol control and oppression.
well, i dont want to go into that part but the phrase i've quoted above mmg menganggu iman ak.

kalau fikir scr logik akal manusia yg limited ni,
bole je ko nk percaya.
Tuhan tu hny ciptaan manusia yg lemah.
kerana manusia tu lemah,maka manusia akn cipta or sembah apa shj yg dianggap lebih superior dr manusia.
mcm org dulu2, yg sembah matahari or sembah pokok yg besar.

ak jd takut.

tadi, ak ke usrah.
ak x tahulah kebetulan atau tidak,
kami belajar pasal tauhid hari ini.

1. Tauhid Rububiyyah
-Keyakinan yang tidak berbelah bahagi bahawa Allah adalah Tuhan, Pemilik dan Pencipta semua perkara dan benda.

2. Tauhid Uluhiyyah
-Yakin bahawa tiada Tuhan selain Allah dan mengesakanNya dengan ibadah.

3. Tauhid al-Asma' wa al-Sifat
-Yakin dan percaya bahawa Allah swt bersifat dgn sifat2 sempurna dan tiada kekurangan. dan tiada makhluk atau sesiapa pun yg memiliki sifat yg sama dgn Allah swt.

Ak rase terkedu apabila sampai part ketiga tu.
x same ke mcm quote ak td tu?
Kita tak boleh samakan sifat Allah dgn sifat manusia.
That was his point exactly, God is seen as perfect and all-powerful, and in contrast to whom man himself appears as limited and imperfect

Ak rasa gusar.
Ak rasa khuatir.
Ak x suke perasaan was-was ak ini.

Ak cuba luahkan kpd ahli2 yg lain td,
mungkin,
mereka x rasa apa yg ak ckp tu penting.
mungkin,
mereka x phm tahap mana kegoyahan imanku td.
mereka ckp, lihat ciptaan alam ni.
lihat manusia.
semua org diciptakan melali proses pembentukan yg sama,
dr percantuman sperm n ovum juga kn,
tp lihat,
hasilnya lain2.
setiap manusia berbeza bukan?
ak tahu.
itu yg ak cuba lakukan.
setiap kali ak goyah ak sentiasa ingatkn diri tentang kekuasaan Allah melalui ciptaanNya, alam dan sekalian isinya.
tp ak masih x puas.

mungkin Tuhan saja mahu uji iman ku.
selama ini, ak mengaji,
tp tanpa tafsir.
kadang2 ayat yg kamu rase sedap apabila dibaca tu sebenarnya membawa berita yg menakutkn.
tentang azab neraka.
tentang hari kiamat.
tp tanpa tafsir,
kamu yg buta bahasa arab ni , ape yg kamu paham?
sekadar mampu ckp, "oh, sdap gk ak ngaji arini.heh"

Alhamdulillah,
hari ini, ak dihadiahkan senaskah tafsir al-Quran oleh W.
apabila ak pulang dari usrah td,
ak masih x puas.
ak mahu jawapan.
(kamu selalu dgr cite ni dr saudara2 mualaf kite kn?)
ak buka tafsir.
ak decide nk baca surah 35, al-Fatir kerana surah tu membawa maksud pencipta.
ayat ketiga sahaja sudah cukup utk menenangkan ak:
wahai manusia!ingatlah akan nikmat Allah kepadamu. adakah pencipta selain Allah yang dapat memberi rezeki kepadamu dari langit dan bumi? tidak ada Tuhan selain Dia; maka mengapa kamu berpaling (dari ketauhidan)?

Ya Allah,
ampunkna dosa2 ak.

mungkin ak riak.
mungkin ak sombong.
sampai ak x nmpak nikmat2 Allah.
smpai ak lupa dgn kekuasaan dan kebesaran Allah.
mungkin ak terlalu taksub dgn bhn bacaan ak.
apalah sgt,
hasil tulisan manusia2,
yg dianggap cerdik pandai,
yg dianugerahkna pemikran yg terhad ini.
manunusia yg x berkuasa pn utk mencipta langit dan bumi ini berbanding dgn ayat2 al- Quran?

ak takut,
berapa ramai di antara kita, yg benar2 beriman dgn sepenuh hati ?
yg benar2 mengesakan kebesaran Allah?
yg berlumba2 ,engerjakan ibdaha tanda cinta dan taat kepada Allah?
berapa ramai pula yg terlepas sembahyang subuh pn dh x rasa bersalah sbb dh slalu sgt?
berapa ramai yg mahu enjoy kt dunia ni puas2 in case God doesnt show?
berapa ramai pula yg memang x percaya dgn kewujudan Tuhan kerana menganggap Tuhan itu sadistic kerana org2 yg ingkar dgn suruhan Tuhan akan dikenakn hukuman berat. mereka merasakn Tuhan itu kejam pula.sedangkan nikmat yg Tuhan kurniakn selama ini punyalah x terkira, yg tu mereka x nampak.

manusia.
kecil.
bongkak.
lalai.
bodoh.

you

2009-08-09T00:41:00.002+12:00

just so you know,
i'm fine without you.

getting over you was tough.
but not anymore.

not anymore.

sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand

2009-08-02T19:53:00.002+12:00

Hi there
i'm supposed to be doing my assignment right now
but of course
updating this blog seems much more appealing than that (as usual)

so what's up?
apa khabar iman kalian hari ini dear avid readers of my blog? (oh plz, like there's any -_-)

it's been a week that i've started working as an after school care programme assistant.
the job is pretty cool
fit for a teacher-to-be.
at least, i can apply or relate whatever teaching skills i've been learning for the past two years.
anak mat saleh n anak melayu laen.
the way they treat the children are also different.
different cultural norms and values.
that's the difficult part.
but hey, i have to learn to get over it.
expand my horizon.
open up my mind.

but working,
gets me to think.
that i don't think i'm ready to hold such big responsibilities.
i've worked before.
but my previous works allow me to screw up.
it wont have any effects on anyone whatsoever.
but if i screwed up this job,
a kid might get hurt, the company can go kaput etc.

truth to be told,
i'm not ready for any of that stuff.
the same goes for my fear for my future profession
what will happen to my students if i dont performed well?
what will happen to the future generation?
what will happen to the country?
as i've mentioned before, practical and theories are two different things.
i am well aware that i'm not good at explaining stuff to others.
can i be a good teacher then?
i doubt it.

enough about that.

working also gets you to think about time management.
so far, i think i'm more organized now (it's too early to tell)
but it also get me to think about others who can't wait to get married.
cmon guys, seriously?
do you think you can handle all that responsibilities and pressure?
marriage is not just about nk mneghindari maksiat or nk menghalalkn yg haram.
yes, nk bina keluarga yg baik. tp mampukah dan bersediakah anda?

currently, we're just a bunch of uni students who have all the time in the world to laze around, watching movies, go shopping etc.

but when you're home from work,
you feel tired
your body aches
you feel hungry
all you can think about is to shower, get something to eat, watch the tv a bit and called it a day.
it might be easier to do that if you're a guy.
if you're a woman, a wife,
despite yourself,
you have to cook and clean,
you have to spend time with your children etc(kata nk bina keluarga yg baik kn?)
i know, i know,
your spouse can share the chores with you
but it's not the same.

frankly, i am selfish if i said so myself.
i want to have time for my own.
to rest and relax,
to pamper and indulge myself.
(and i think the ever increasing divorce rate is due to the very limited time they have to themselves. which leads to unhappiness and dissatisfaction)

you're definitely cannot do that if you are working + married with children.
unless you have a bibik-which-i-dont-like-but-might-have-to-get-one-anyway-someday.

hey, i'm not against marriage.
i do wish to get married someday.
with the right person.
but not now.

definitely not in the near future.

call me a commitment-phobic.
i think i am.

(okay, this entry is waaayyy off topic. i just want to ramble about my job actually)

Quote of the day:
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
-Gloria Steinem-

Today I am grateful for...
my new job. i honestly don't know how long it will lasts. hopefully i am strong and good enough to staythere fora while. i always complain that i dont have enough money and i need a job desperately. Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah for this rezeki. the job is not as easy as it sounds but what's life without hardships? semoga tidak lalai..

how interesting are you?

2009-07-23T00:21:00.004+12:00

ok so the new trimester has started for two weeks already.
as usual, the tutorials begin this week, week 2.
i was frustrated to get not so enthusiastic (to put it mildly)tutors this time.
i dont know about my tutor for sociology yet coz i wont be having any tutorial until week 4 (which i find it amusing) but overall, i can say that i find my tutors this time less impressive.
sigh.
i dont think i like any of my lecturers nor tutors this time.
oh wait, except for chris bowden.
as always, he's awesome!
but maybe its too early for me to judge them.

anyway,
as usual ( this should be the favourite phrase of the day :P),
the first tutorial is when you get to know your other tutorial mates.
and of course, you have to introduce yourself.
dont get me wrong,
i have no problems with introducing myself coz:
1. they prolly wouldnt even remember my name coz it sounded weird to them ( they couldnt even pronounced it right anyway)
2. as there would be other msian girls in the class, it would be harder for them to distinguish each one of us. they prolly think all of us who wear the hijab look the same anyway. so even if you see them outside, they prolly wouldnt even noticed you unless you greet them first.

but what i dont like about introducing myself is when the tutor insists that you should tell at least one interesting fact about yourself.
INTERESTING fact about me.
what's interesting about me?
how do you define interesting?
some girl claim that she has 30 cousins, so that should be interesting.
but for most of us msians, we dont find it all that interesting since most of us prolly have more than 30 cousins.
so if that'snot interesting to you, then what is?
i've never travelled around the world in 80 days.
i dont have a twin in the same class.
i am not fluent in 5 different languages.
i cannot do weird stuff like pushing my nose with my tongue or anything like it.
so then, what's interesting about me?
i know that everyone is special in his or her own way.
i know that no 2 people are the same.
i couldnt say that what's interesting about me is that my fingerprint wont match anyone in this room could i?
that would be a really dumb thing to say.

hurm.
so, just ask yourself these questions.
what's interesting about you?
how do you justify that?
what makes you different than everyone else who's in the same room as you?

but hey, dont be too hard on yourselves.
remember, everyone is special ;)

Quote of the day:
i would like to quote one o my favourite song from barney, the purple dinosaur (yes.i like barney)

You are special - you really are
You’re the only one like you
There isn’t another in the whole wide world
Who can do the things you do
Because you are special- special
Everyone is special
Everyone in his or her own way
You' re important so you really are
You' re the only one of you
The world is better just because you are here
you should know that we love you

Yes you re special -special
Everyone is special
Everyone in his or her own way!

walking down the memory lane

2009-07-16T20:07:00.002+12:00

Memory is a child walking along a seashore. You never can tell what small pebble it will pick up and store away among its treasured things.
-Pierce Harris, Atlanta Journal-

it's been a very looonggg holiday.
2 beloved friends came to wellington.
12 days well spend with my girls,
miss R and miss A.

i've met those girls in KMS.
and hanging out with them,
with miss R especially, brings a lot of memory back.

you see, miss R used to be my roommate (so she knows the juicy stuff about me.haha).
and of course we had our ups and downs but we did had a lot of fun back then ( imiss those days when having a roommate used to be fun and exciting!huhu)

reminiscing about the past with her,
laughing about the good old days or what we called "zaman kegemilangan POOS",
(hey, ak ahli setia. dulu, kini selamanya. idup poos!it's pronounced as po'os btw:P)
anyway,
reminiscing the past is another form of self-discovery.
miss R recalls,among others, the times when i used to sing in the morning (that indicates that i'm in a good mood. which is rare coz im not a morning person), and the "accidents" i have with the iron (where the whole floor could practically hear my screams about my tudung or whatever that i have burnt that day. believe me, there's a lot of clothes that i have to throw away back then :P), gossiping about the boys in her class (or the class next to hers :P) and about how bubbly and loud i was back then.

upon hearing that,
i took a moment to reflect on myself.
i am not the same person as i was before.
i do not sing in the morning anymore.
i do not put holes through my clothes anymore.
i am not interested to gossip about the boys anymore.
and i realized,
i am not as bubbly or as loud as i used to be.
well, i am loud(at times), but not like before.
now, i am more known for my mood swings more than anything else(sigh..)

well, people change.
after miss R left kms,
i got my heart broken.
i had new perspectives on friends.
i went to work.
i got fatter.
these things change me.
the environment changed.
my needs and priorities changed.
the types of books and movies i like changed.
and oops! i've become a slightly different person.
some people might say that i have grown up (but i dont really believe that crap. i'm still daddy's girl at heart :P)

the thing is ,
no matter who you are in the past,
you'll just have to accept it.
there are many things in the past that i hate and would like to forget,
but you can never change the past.
you cannot run away from the past.
you are, what you are now, because of the past (i know, it's such a cliche..)

in many ways,
i think,
i have become a slightly better person.
the old me would still be wearing tight outfit ALL THE TIME (note the difference.hehe) or would not pray until the last minute.
i've acquired new skills since then.
i've gained new perspectives on life from all those odd jobs i've done.

so, thank you miss R and miss A for the visit.
i'm sorry for not entertaining you guys enough what with the bad weather and no extra cash lying around huhu.
but your visits helps me to discover and appreciate myself a bit more.
coz in the end,
what's left are just me,myself and I.

Quote of the day:
Everybody needs his memories. They keep the wolf of insignificance from the door. -Saul Bellow-

Today I am grateful for...
my friends. though we're miles apart (that including those of you who live in everton or hadfield terrace :P) and haven't seen each other for a long time, it's great to know that we're still friends and still hit it off like we used to.
"absence makes the heart grow fonder". not "out of sight, out of mind". and for those who have to bear with my sudden and extreme mood swings, thank you. i'm truly sorry if i ever offended any of you yet you guys still stick with me (like you have any choice.haha.i am extremely thankful for these great,wonderful,exciting, patient friends of mine. Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah.

the stupidest thing i've ever done

2009-07-03T14:56:00.002+12:00

well
there's so many stupid things i've done
but yeah,
this one is on the top of the list
remember me telling that i'm miss typo?
well, i'm not just miss typo
but i'm also miss-slalu-tersalah-anta-txt-kt-org-laen
which is very stupid
and guess what
someone usually will get hurt by it
coz usually
the oops! txt is always a bad bad bad txt about that person
hahaha
guess Tuhan saje nk tunjuk kot
x baek mngumpat
hee

examples of the oops!txt
1. "ko tau x ape minah ckp kt ak td? smpai ati die ckp cmtu weii blablabla"
and the txt was received by minah herself
2. "kesian imah wei. die kne bla3"
and thus imah la yg dpt txt tu
3. "phm2 jela senah tu cmne. pelik sket lalalalala"
ye sesedap rase je ckp kt org cmtu pastu ko send kt senah trus kn..
4. "ak x ske la joyah tu.. die slalu bla3"
well, u get the drift..

i dont know why
but it happened quite a number of times
and guess what
of course la there will be some "crisis" after that
the 2007 incident is still fresh on my mind.hohooo

imagine what would the text recipient feel??
and imagine how would i feel when i've discovered that i accidentally sent the message to the wrong person??
it feels like..
like bungee jumping.
scares the hell out of me!!!!

the thing is
it happened again
just few hours earlier
i ACCIDENTALLY sent another stupid message
its not really a bad message at all but if u suddenly get that kind of txt, u'll get mad too.
lost in translation.

therefore,
i would like to realllllllyyy aplogise
to the person i sent the txt to (seriously i didnt notice at all that i've sent the txt to u until u reply it back to me)
i didnt mean to hurt/insult/put u down
it's nothing like that
i was just plainly expressing my thoughts to the other person
though u might think about it the other way round

guess i should really learn to keep unnecessary thoughts to myself
if what i think doesnt benefit anyone,
it's better for me to keep it to myself
just look at what happened now?

guess the process "utk berubah ke arah kebaikan" would be a reallyy loooonnnggg one
(org baek x anta txt mctu kt sesape pn wahai the dreamer. huhu)

~sigh~

aku ingin menjadi lebih baik

2009-07-01T19:33:00.003+12:00

Alhamduilllah
selamat pulang dari Christchurch
ini kali kedua ak ke sana
ak rase, dlm byk2 tpt kt NZ ni,
ak paling suke Christchurch
mungkin kerana
terase lebih "oversea" di sana
sila ke sana
u'll get what i mean
haha
will definitely go there again
at least one more time
wahai cik E si gadis lomo,
pastikan ko ke sana lagi dgn ak juge
ak mahu jd modelmu
haha

kali ni ke Christchurch sempena Jalinan Ukhuwwah New Zealand (JUNZ)
sebelum ke sana
serius,
ak sgt nervous
sgt3
will i fit in?
adakh bju ak appropriate?
ah, biasela
bnde2 remeh ni ak pikir
haish.

ape yg ak rase/dpt from this prog...

- berada d kalangan org2 yg hebat menyedarkan ak betapa ceteknya ilmu ak. bukan calang2 org yg ak jmpe. ramai yg sdg wat PhD etc sedangakn umur diorg mudaaaa lg. umur 24 dh ade PhD. sdangkan kitorang ni, umur 24 bru nk grad. degree. terase sperti nk marah MARA di situ (sila tanya dak2 KMS kalau nk tahu penjelasan lanjut). tp kalau pikir balik, patut bersyukur, sekurang2nya, ade penaja, ade kesmpatan nk blaja kt tpt org juge. bukan senang. maka bersyukurlah. tapi yg pasti, setelah jmpe mereka2 ni, ak sgt rase, sperti mahu melanjutkn pelajaran lg. kalu sblum ni ak kata, ak x pnh terfikir pn, skrg ni, ak sgt mahu. ak rase malu, asyik mengeluh psl assignment. x ade ape yg senang kn. rakan2, sile jgn mengeluh pasal assignment, exams, kne byk baca la apela. mcamne nk maju kalau asyik mngeluh? kalau kita yg bru 2nd yr ni pn dh bising bukan main, mampukah kita nk ke tahap yg lebih tinggi? (diharapkan penulis sdar diri n berterusan sdar diri :P)

- ak rase sgt malu juge bile teringat entry ak psl ak bnci maths. haha. cuba kite imbas kembali cendekiawan2 Islam zaman dahulu. mereka bukan hanya pakar dlam satu bidang bukan? rata2nya, masing2 mempunyai ilmu dlm semua aspek. xdela bahasa je, segala ilmu sains, kira2 etc pn dikuasai juge. kalau kite pk scr logik pn, mmg patut la pn kn. mane bole berat sebelah je kn. x balance. semua benda pn berkait. kalau hanya pndai menulis tp x pandai mengira pn x bole juge kn?

- berada d kalangan org2 yg baik menyebabkn anda rase utk mnjadi lebih baik. org baik x akn judge kamu. malah, mereka terima kamu dgn tangan terbuka. mereka x ckp2 kosong. mereka juge x bergosip atau mengumpat (SEDARALAH WAHAI "the dreamer"!.haha).bukankah itu lebih baik. dari segi pemakaian pula, berada d kalangan mereka mnyebabkn kmu rase melabuhkan tudung itu mudah dan berpakaian menutup aurat itu indah. serius. ade je pakaian yg longgar n labuh yg bergaya.lagipun, sgtlah selesa. xde kamu nk tarik2 baju kamu tu ke bwh all the time, or rase sgt conscious terhadap bonjolan or lemak2 kamu seperimana yg kamu rase taktala memakai bju or seluar yg ketat. heee. ayuhai rakan2, marilah berubah.elakkan dr memakai yg muat2, yg sendat2, yg ketat2, yg padat2~ lebih manis bukan?

- main ibu ayam-musang / pukul bpe datuk harimau utk mereka yg telah lanjut usia dlm kuantiti yg ramai adalah merbahayakan. LOL

- pemilihan penceramah agama/pendakwah adalah penting. kadang2, org akn ade persepsi yg salah terhadap Islam kalau cara penyampaian penceramah tu salah. ak ingat lagi kt KMS, ada ckgu2 ak yg blah dr dewan sbb x tahan dgn penceramah tu. isunya, psl buang anak kot. tp yg dsalahkn oleh pnceramah tu, asyik2 perempuan. dkutuknye perempuan bukan2. dgunakan bahasa yg kurang enak. apakah itu?lg2 cikgu2 ak ni ala2 feminist, sape nk dgr beb? ak pn sentap gk time tu. Islam x bgitu bukan?Islam itu kn indah. Islam juge x merendah2kn wanita. kalau nk berdakwah kne berhemah.n sy suke dgn cara pnympaian dan juge isi kndungan ceramah ustaz F. walaupun sy asyk tertido time bengkel pagi. haha

- Islam itu syumul. Islam itu menyeluruh. Islam itu cantik, indah. Ak bersyukur dilahirkan beragama Islam. ak bersyukur, dibukakn hati utk pergi usrah. dlu, ak xnkla join usrah2 ni.sbb ak rase ak bukan la baik sgt. ak rase, ak rase, ak x bole nk fit in la dgn org2 usrah ni.ak sgt beryukur, usrah wellington ni, x rigid, x fanatik. usrah cni mudah,hanya seminggu skali,sabtu/ahad, tp inputnya banyak. ak rase, byk bnda yg ak bljar sejak join usrah ni. IA, diamalkanlah ilmu2 tu. aeperti point sbelumnya, pemilihan naqibah atau kakak usrah juge adalh sgt penting. ak rase,ak tertarik nk join, krn akak2 ni bukn sperti akak2 usrah yg ak knal dlu. mereka sgt easy going, independent, active n open minded. dan mereka juge sgt bijak dlm sgale hal. kalau kamu tahu tentang Usul 20 tp kamu x tahu yg San Francisco adelah nama tpt or kamu xtahu cara penggunaan microwave yg betul, jgn harap sy nk respect kamu.apetah lg nk join group usrah kamu. Islam itu syumul.Jgnlah smpai xtahu lsg hal dunia. lagi satu, tolonglah jgn asyik nk cte psl isu basi yg x berkesudahan sperti isu pakai tudung n couple. gunalah pndekatan yg berbeza. Islam bukan psl pkai tudung je kn? kalau kite pakai approach lain, yg lebih memudahkn kite memahami ajaran Islam, iA, isu pkaia tudung or couple ni xkn jd isu punye. kalau kita pham ajaran Islam yg betul, tentu kita akan patuh kn? and x kn persoalkn knp kene buat semua tu or dilarang mmbuat ini. sbb semuanya jelas n bersebab.

- JUNZ tahun dpn patut asingkan laki n pmpuan. susahla nk jaga pndangan ni. selain itu, sgt x selesa. lagi2 ak yg dpt bilik hujunnggg yg dkat dgn bilik ikhwat. oh, sgt3 x selesa bila nk kua masuk bilik.

- pndangan mata harus dijaga. kalau x, mula2lah berlaku insiden2 yg x sepatutnya. sperti TERlepas ckp bnde2 yg kamu ptut ckp dlm hati (wink wink cik E :p) atau ternampak orang yg kamu x patut nampak, kemudian kamu meroyan. hahaha.

- sy menyesal dlu blaja bhs arab main2. lpstu tuka skola sbb xnk amik arab. xnk cacat result pmr. apekah. hahaha. skrg mnyesal. sbb hadis susah nk phm. bc Quran, lg la. agk sedih di situ.

- sy kagum mereka2 yg x kisah berkorban tenaga mahupun wang utk tujuan ini. berdakwah. berjihad. semoga Allah memberkati kalian. sy kagum dgn mereka yg berkhidmat sbagai tukang masak. sebagai driver. sebagai pngurus prog etc. terima kasih kalian.

- oh x lupe juge. lg satu bnde, ktorg agk amazed dgn aka2 yg dh kawen.muda2 lg woo. x sangka dh kawen. dan juge mereka2 yg dh bertunang etc. sy jeles dgn anda. tp xpelah, sy rase, sy x bersedia lg untuk membina keluarga yg baik. sy harus baiki diri sy mnjadi individu muslim yg baik dulu.(dan juge mendapat calon yg baik. huhu)

wahhh..
pjg gile ak tulis.
hahaha
kesimpulannya,
ak bersyukur sgt2
dpt join prog tu wpun dlu cm nk x nk je pegi
time kasey kpd sponsor2 tiket sy cik Kak M n Kak W,
smoge dirahmati Allah, insya Allah.

JUNZ adalh lebih baik dr bersatu games.
bersatu games x "bersatu" pn ok.
dr JUNZ, ak knal la juge org2 lua welly
n mnjdi lebih rapat dgn org2 welly yg dulunya hanya kenal muka je :)

ak sgt berharap
ak istiqamah dlm memperbaiki diri
rakan2
doakan ak
n sokonglah ak.

oh look, there goes my self-esteem....

2009-06-23T13:15:00.001+12:00

down the drain

sigh

sejarah mungkin berulang

2009-06-14T21:36:00.002+12:00

Those who don’t learn from
history are destined to repeat its mistakes

(Edmund Burke, 18thC British statesman and philosopher. A rough paraphrase)

-credit to Jono, lecture 2, ALIN 201-

tolongla sedar cik sha!
jgn malas2!

ayuh berusaha rakan2! ^_^

overconfident much?

2009-06-12T17:31:00.002+12:00

usaha tangga kejayaan
to keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it
bersakit-sakit dahulu, bersenang-senang kemudian

say what you want
if i refused to study, i refused to study
if i refused to complete my assignment on time
i will definitely leave it until the last minute
its the same for every assignments
or should i say that it's getting worse?
if the assignmnet due at 5 pm
you will see me running to uni at 4.30 pm
*mentang2 umah dekat kn. cuba kne pnjat bukit sket?*

the thing is,
i didnt know why i've become like this?
i have no motivation whatsoever to start the assignment at least 2 days before
no motivation at all
whether intrinsic or extrinsic
none
nada
zilch

and now as a result...
i finally get 2 deserving Cs today
hahaha

the thing is,
regardless of how late or how unprepared i was,
i never got a C for my assignmnet (no,I didnt mean to sound cocky ok but maybe a bit overconfident. thats why i never learned my lesson. thats why the pattern keeps repeating)
and now today
the day has come
the long awaited, anticipated C has finally appeared
and it didnt come alone,
i got twins!!
hahaha (adekah ak sudah gila??)

now here's what you call
a slap on the face
a wake up call
and very deserving so

I didnt blame fate for this
why should I?
I know how much effort I have put so far..

"Sesungguhnya Allah tidak mengubah nasib sesuatu kaum, kecuali kaum itu sendiri yang mengubahnya" (surah ar Ra'd ayat 11)

Sesungguhnya Allah itu Maha Adil
jangan kamu nk compare result kamu dgn result org laen
cuba compare usaha kamu dgn usaha org laen
ak rase
ganjaran yg kamu dpt selalunya setimpal lah dgn usaha kamu
hohohohoho

oleh itu rakan2,
ayuhlah berusaha nk exam ni!
kalau result dpt x bes,
jgn nk merungut,
jgn nk mengeluh
cuba reflect diri anda tu dulu :P
(wahhhh..jgn terpedaya dgn ayat2 ak ni.ak tidak sematang itu. td ak balik umah emo bukan maen juge. haha)

but really,
Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant.
-Robert Louis Stevenson-

so lets start to improve ourselves from now and hopefully istiqamah la yek ;P

Quote of the day ditujukan khas kepada rakan2 yg merasakan sekarang ini adalah saat2 yg sukar, baik dari segi pelajaran, kewangan maupun perhubungan :
'Sesungguhnya bersama kesulitan ada kemudahan, sesungguhnya bersama kesulitan ada kemudahan'
(Al Insyirah: 5&6)

Today I am grateful for...
my test result. I was expecting to fail the test as I was totally clueless in the lecture hall last week.My mind just went blank.I didnt complete numerous questions mind you. Alhamdulillah, a C+ is better than a failed paper. Alhamdulilah, thank you Allah.

seperti kacang lupakan kulit

2009-06-08T16:33:00.004+12:00

"wah, bru duk oversea 2 tahun dh x pndai ckp melayu dh"
"eleh, bru bpe tahun je duk lua dh feeling omputih abis" etc etc etc etc

those are the words that we used to hear whenever someone went overseas and suddenly forget their own culture
x reti ckp melayu after 2 years
melampau gile kot
haha

anyhow, what i want to say is,
sometimes, they dont even realized whats happening
sometimes, they just couldnt help it

i've realized this a few days ago
my dear friend Z's parents came to Wellington for a visit
so I went to meet her mom
and then I've realized that something's wrong when I'm shaking hands with her mom
hurm
I just know that something's missing but I couldnt remember what it was
I could noticed that her mom lookd a bit shocked ( or is it just my imagination?probably..) by my gesture
and then I realized
that I forgot to cium her tangan which simply put, a really rude gesture
haishhh

and then i forgot how to refer myself as? I? saya? S?
seriously,
after being here for just one and a half year,
I didnt know how to talk and behave in fornt of the elders anymore
most probably due to myself refusing to go back last year
hahaha
gila mngada kn?
bru stahun stgh dh lupa adab dgn org tua kn?
tp serius,ak x bmaksud pn
ak x sangka ak bole "lupa" dgn adab kita (oh ayatku)
ak pn tkjut cmne ak bley rase awkward sgt bile ckp dgn her mom
padahal pny la baek auntie tu
and that was nott the first time i met her pun
huhu

maybe sbb dh lame x ckp dgn org tua kot?
dlu my housemate pn ade la cm ala2 mak2 kite tp die bahsakn diri die "akak" so mcamanekah?
sgt tbiase treat sume org cm akak2
x payah cium tgn
huhuhu
(ye, akak2 kt cni x yah cium tgn. akak senior form 2 mase kamu form 1 kt asrama tu WAJIB dicium tangannya haha *wink wink* )

how rude have I become?
Auntie, I'm so sorry about that incident. I didnt mean to be rde to you.huu
(bila salam nk balik mmg ak make sure ak cium tgn die la. haha.)

I wonder what my Mom would say about this?

just something to ponder on

Quote of the day:
The best thing to give to your enemy is forgiveness; to an opponent, tolerance; to a friend, your heart; to your child, a good example; to a father, deference; to your mother, conduct that will make her proud of you; to yourself, respect; to all men, charity

-Benjamin Franklin-

Today I am grateful for...
all the chocolates and fruits dedications from my friends. Thank u girls! Chocolate is a must duirng this stressful exam period. FREE chocolates! whee~~ Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah.

positive thinker? i am not.

2009-06-04T15:38:00.005+12:00

half empty?half full? which one are you?

today during alin 201 workshop,
we have to pretend to give feedback to a student based on the essay that we have marked.
the essay was soo bad, sgt meruntun jiwa.
hati mmg kne tabah abis.
there's spelling errors everywhere, terrible sentence structure and of course, countless grammatical errors.
needless to say, after marking the essay, the page is full with red inks.
D said "kalau ak dpt student cmni, mmg ak dh tampar2"
haha
thats what I thought too.
memang mnguji kesabaran abis.
huhu

but then the tutor keep remind us that when we're giving feedback, we must also remember to focus on the positive side.
what's good?
what they can improve on
what's the strengths bla3..

and then we have to take turns to roleplay and pretend that we are the teacher giving feedback, the student and also as the observer.
putting yourselves in different shoes really gets you to think.
when i am the student, i find myself ready for criticism but at the same time hoping that there's still hope and room for improvement. when the teacher praised me for my ideas amidst my many mistakes, i feel so happy. and motivated.
when i observed, i found that the tone that teacher used, the teacher's enthusiasm and choice of words affect the student.
and...
when i took the role as a teacher,
i find it really hard to be positive
i find it really hard to give feedback without focusing too much on the mistakes.
i've tried to be more encouraging and try to praise the student on her good points but it is extremely hard to do that
and i ended up sounding so fake.
~sigh~
bg feedback pn susah ok.

but really, the activity get me thinking.
why am i finding it so hard to be more encouraging and positive?
why, on the other hand, the kiwi girl managed to give effective positive feedback?

this is not the first time i realized the differences.

last year, during my first ever tutorial,i was startled to find the tutor to be so enthusiastic and encouraging.
she never failed to say "good point", "excellent", "fantastic" etc eventhough thats not the correct answer or biase2 je.

can i say that its because of our cultural differences?
we're not really a bunch of positive people.
like in school, if we did not give the exact answer that the teacher wanted, the teacher would simply said "no" and won't praise you a bit for the effort that you've made. (it's disheartening aye?)
or
like us, in real life,
it's easy to talk about others negative qualities than the positive ones
for example,facebook
you tend to comment on the picture only when there's something wrong with the picture rather than complementing how good the others look in the picture. ( maybe not everyone do that. but me and friends tend to do that. but yeah i know, we didnt do it out of spite, thats just how our friendship works. pretty weird i must say. ahaha)

anyway,
the point is,
many of us tend to neglect the positive side.
there's always two side of things.
the good and the bad.
somehow, we are more focused on the bad side and totally ignore that there is a positive side of everyhthing.
no matter how small it is,
if you acknowledged the positive side,
you'll be more happy.
more motivated.
there's hope everywhere.
you just have to be more openminded to seek for it ( mcm x de kne mngene la pule. but who cares)

in short, be more positive people.
there's no harm in there.

c'mon guys! look on the bright side!! ;P

Quote of the day:
Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.
-Winston Churchill-

Today I am grateful for...
having Averil Coxhead as a tutor. she's bubbly and energetic and her class is fun!we even had morning tea during tutorial today. lucky aye? and for that, Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah.

we all walk in different shoes

2009-06-03T18:34:00.005+12:00

While browsing for books for the next TEAP assignment, I've stumbled upon a piece of gem called Happiness and Education by Nel Noddings. Leave it to me to be attracted to books with such title.

Anyway, though there's not much information that's relevant to the assignment, I found these particular paragraphs interesting:

I have argued repeatedly that there is no sound educational reason for forcing all students to study algebra and geometry. Both subjects should, however, be offered to students who need or want them. (Recall also that I suggested that all students should be offered risk-free opportunities to explore these subjects) bla bla bla ...I know that there are students who enjoy the material and do well with it. They are not better than students who hate math and love art; thay are different , and their interest should be satisfied ( I love you Nel!!)

and my favourite part is..

Not all students have an intellectual interest in mathematics, nor is there any reason to insist that they should. Perhaps as many as 20 percent do have such interests, and schools should cultivate their interests without imposing them on everyone else.

Ok. I hate maths.
with all my heart and soul, maths is my least favourite subject in the whole wide world.
haha

well, it's because i dont have an intellectual interest in mathematics.
seriously, i don't.
maths is irrelevant to me.
ok i know that maths is important for development blablabla but hey,
as long as i know how much I spend on my shoppings, that should be enough right?
because I know that I am not interested to be an engineer, doctor etc.
why in the world should i learn about derivation, triangles ect?

I think students should be given more freedom to choose whatever they like to study.
Don't impose your sometimes- riddiculous- norms- and -values on them. i.e people in science streams are so much better than people in arts.
like Nel said, students who love maths are not better than students who hate maths. they are just different.
everyone has different interests and capabilities.
we need not insist that everyone can master a particular intellectual task any more than we would claim than everyone can learn to play the violin skillfully or repair an airplane engine.

sigh.
I had to take add maths in school because I was in the science stream. so that was acceptable.
what's not acceptable is that I had to take Maths as well during A levels.
which was absolutely riddiculous.
Why would you forced a bunch of Tesl students to do maths??
We are going to teach Englissshhhhhh for goodness sake and I think its obvious that Maths are not our forte.
For goodness sake, I took the offer to do A levels mainly because I did not want to have anything to do with maths anymore at matrix
and only to discover that I have to take maths paper in order to continue my degree.
riddiculous aye?
2 years of studying Maths for A levels are equivalent to 2 years of pure pain and torture to me.
when i am not interested in that subject, I wouldnt even put any efforts to that subject until the last minute. haha
needless to say, I have somehow managed to pass the paper. If not, I wouldn't even be here in windy Wellington.
but it saddens me when one of my friends who is really good in English didn't make it through because she flunked her Maths paper.
tragic.
all because of a stupid maths paper which is totally irrelevant to what we're doing now.
sheesh.

the point is, let us choose to learn what we deemed as interesting and important to us.
"students who have genuine intellectual interests derive happiness- even joy- from their engagement with a chosen topic" (Noddings,2003, p. 218)
Teachers and PARENTS should be aware of this.
Based on my observations, if you love your children, don't force them to take something that you want them to do. ask them what they like to do and support their decisions. Then both sides would be happy. (Oh if only Jonathan would read this)

Quote of the day:
Education is not the filling of a pail,
but the lighting of a fire.
-Wiliam Butler Yeats-

Today I am grateful for..
my health. Hey, the exams are just around the corner and it wouldnt be cool if I'm suddenly down with fever :P
Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah.

in a state of normlessness

2009-06-01T22:43:00.002+12:00

normlessness.
emile durkheim.
sociology

i'm in a state of normlessness.

sekian.

twas a night

2009-05-25T22:42:00.002+12:00

i had fun tonight
watching movies at the cinema
drinking bubble tea
laughing my head off

it's been a while

yeah.. it's been a while

stay true to yourself

2009-05-23T19:05:00.003+12:00

ROCKING AND ROLLING: A ship heads out into Cook Strait from Wellington Harbour yesterday. According to The Dominion Post, MetService forecaster Oliver Druce said yesterday's bleak weather was only going to get worse as southerly gusts increased today, reaching gale-force speeds of up to 140kmh in exposed places. 140kmh mind you.

my skin hurts

oh look, i am now as red as a lobster (ye.mulut celupar sgt aritu kn.)

my head feels so heavy

oh wait, is it just me or is this room spinning?

i am soaked wet

my shoes were practically swimming in water

who would have guessed that I will end up like this?

I, who always checked the weather forecast at least twice before leaving the house,

I, who always wear the most sensible and practical shoes regardless of the occasion,

I, who firmly believed that this is not the place nor the right weather to wear baju kurung.

But today,

I refused to check the weather forecast,

today, I ignored my natural instincts

today, I decided to wear baju kurung eventhough the storm is raging since last night

all because of cakap2 orang

orang cakap kitorang sume pakai bju kurung
so I, who have this TOC syndrome (like Sarah said) decided to brave the weather wearing baju kurung

the baju kurung is not the main problem though

coz I was reasonable enough to wear thermals and jeans inside

the main problem is my shoes

my feet hurts

my shoes are like two sinking ships

wet through and through

those darn shoes

~sigh~

I would never wear unreasonable attires ever again

I dont care if i dont look fashionable or if i look weird

being comfortable and warm is what makes me happy

I will stay true to my own beliefs

Quote of the day:

You will have learnt by now that unpredictability is the most predictable thing about Wellington

-Jonathan Newton *wink wink*-

Today I am grateful for....
free food!! haha. at least, it's worth braving the storm for. and of course, for my warm room. i dont care if it's far from everyone else, at least I can use the heater as much as I like ;)

this is why you should proofread before submitting your assignments

2009-05-20T19:07:00.005+12:00

you know what's funny?

no

not my assigments

but the fact that my blog address (is that what it's called? anyway..) is www.onceupoadream@blogspot.com

not

www.onceuponadream@blogspot.com

and I've just realised this like,a few seconds ago

way to go girl!

haha

miss typo should always check whatever she's typing at least twice

from now on, i must proofread my assignments, emails etc so that i will save myself from embarrassment

~sigh~

oh wait, i haven't even started on my assignments yet!

~double sigh @_@~

in case you're wondering ( I dont think anybody ever read this piece of crap anyway)
why once upon a dream?

lets just say,
i was inspired by the song in Disney's Sleeping Beauty

yes, this one

I was humming to that tune once upon a time ago ( you know, ~I know you, I've walked with you once upon a dream~ yeah I know, it's cheesy but I like it.hehe) and I was like, what the heck, I'll name this blog once upon a dream!
tadaa! pure genius. haha

and besides, I dream a lot
you can dream anywhere and anytime that you want
not only in your sleep
but also while showering, or waiting for the bus and especially during lectures :)

Quote of the day:
"Proofreading is most effective after publication."

-Noel Coward-

Today I am grateful for...
having fingers that work wonders! without these fingers, I would not be able to do lots of things, let alone typing. I am truly grateful for having complete set of fully functional fingers. Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah.

why so serious?

2009-05-18T23:25:00.002+12:00

a number of people commented that they are surprised that my blog is "heavy" or "serious".
why so serious?

hurmm..
personally i didnt think that this blog is heavy or anything like that
i didn't discussed really serious topic like religion, world affairs, political mayhem or anything like that
this blog is mainly a place for me to write again and expressing my personal ideas
yes i must admit that it is true shat S said that
you may never see me talking about stuff i've mentioned with my friends
mainly because
everyone has different opinions
they may not agree with me
and i may not agree with them
and i didn't want to get all worked up over this ( i can be very emo mind you)

hence, this blog is the only place
where i can freely expressed my own opinions
without interruptions
without makan hati dgn org2 yg disagree with me

yes
im not that open minded
i couldnt stand rejections
haha

but i may as well admitted that this blog is quite heavy in terms of the sentence structure
the choice of words etc
mainly because
i am so used to writing serious, formal stuffs
like the endless ASSignments

besides, during school years
my teachers always praised me for my reports,formal letters etc
so i tend to stick to just one way of writing
i never went out of my comfort zone and try to explore different ways of writing
like narrative etc

i don't think that it's my thing
oh wait
that's explains why I didn't score in WRIT 101
I never change my style of writings
they always have the same tone
the same structure

too bland
too monotonous
too ...dull
too..boring

oh well,
I'll try to explore other style of writings soon
must get out of my comfort zone!! yeah!!

in the mean time,
i might stop updating for a while
i realised that this blog is also a means of escapism for me
the reason why i haven't started my assignments yet

so for now
adieu

a space of my own

2009-05-18T09:04:00.003+12:00

i woke up this morning feeling realy irritated
because the lights are on when i'm not really ready to get out of the bed.
i am not a morning person
please dont ruined my day by annoying me first thing in the morning
if i can use the other lamp when i'm up earlier than you,
why can't you do so too?
if i reapsect ur sleeping time, why can;t you do so for me?
ok.
people are not the same.
we don't all share the same thoughts nor the same sense.
i get it.
what i didn't get is why in the world did they tortured me by having me share a room again this year?
didn't i make it clear in the application form that i desperately wanted a single room?
yeah, i know shared rooms are way cheaper but i think i value my own privacy and freedom more.
i have my own room since i was little
im not so used to share my private space with anyone else
right now, it's different from living in hostel.
boarding schools are different in the sense that everyone has the same schedule, eat the same thing (you dot have to cook back ten do you?) etc
basically, back then, everyone is doing the same thing
but now is different
you have to manage your time yourselves
and everyone's time management is different
i t's my life
i can study at 3am if i want to
i can watch movies in the middle of the afternoon if i want to
i can eat at 12 am if i want to
but i couldn't really do that out of respect to my roomate
now, im trying hard to be more considerate
but it is hard if you don't get the same treatment

i want my own space!!!
my own room!!
where i can lie down and not having someone else talking on the phone,
disturbing my peaceful slumber
i want my own room
where i can sleep without someone "accidentally" interrupting me
i want my own room where i can sing, dance, and laugh without disturbing someone else
i want my own room where i can talk about everything with my mom peacefully without someone else listening to the conversation ad judging me
i want my own room
where i can have my friends over without permissions of someone else and without interrupting anyone else
i want my own room
so that you my dear roomate can bring your friends over and do whatever you want without me feeling really uncomfortable and suffocated
without me feeling like a prisoner in my own room

it's just plain hard sharing your space right now
for me, my room is the place where ic an relax and unwind
i may be a chatterbox outside
but at home, i wish to remain quite
at home is where i can spend my time thinking
reflecting my actions etc
but its hard to do so when you're having a roomate
who wants to talk to you but you're not really in the mood to talk and then you end up feeling guilty about it.
and i didn't like the fact that i get so worried if she's still out in the middle of the night

i thought that this year would be quite different
since i'm sharing my room with someone from other course
it turns out to be
the same
she may not have a boyfriend
but she has a lot of friends that she can talk to on the phone, mind you.
there are many "incidents" that triggers this uncontrollable urge to have my own room. but i rather not tell the details ( x baek mgumpat:P)

i know that im not exactly the best person to share a room with
what with my sudden mood swing and stuff
i knew that already
that's what makes my heart screams "I WANT MY OWN ROOM YOU ********!!! (ok dilarang mencarut)

in short
i want my own room
i do not wish to share my room with anyone anymore
i don't want to feel suffocated and all tensed up in my room anymore
i'm feeling a little claustrophobic right now

I WANT MY OWN ROOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Quote of the day:
Its really hard to be roomates with people if your suitcases are much better than theirs

-J D Salinger-

(no, I'm not like that!!! ok. not 100% LOL)

Today I am grateful for...
at least I have a room. A place to stay. At least I have a roof over my head. at least my room is cheap and warm. at least my place is near uni, where i don't have to climb up the hills in a rush at 7.40 in the morning. at least. i'm grateful for that. you cannot have all dear. whats life without obstacles? Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah.

membaca itu jambatan ilmu

2009-05-17T17:08:00.005+12:00

i have a sudden urge to lie down and read a great book
a great novel
how i miss those good old days of analysing books during literature class
it might be a burden for some
but it brings such joy for me
analysing literary piece is exhilarating for me
its like a kind of sports for me ( you know i dont play sports. haha)
its fun
its adventurous
its meaningful
its like a roller coaster ride
sometimes u feel down coz u really didn't get what the author meant to say
sometimes you feel like you're on top of the world when you able to decipher the meaning or relate some of those situations to yourselves
but o course, it's up to your own interpretations

ah, the beauty of great works by great authors!
the joy of finding beautiful phrases printed on pages!
it's ecstatic!
euphoric!

The love of learning, the sequestered nooks, And all the sweet serenity of books. ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...
it really is painful
craving for a good book when you have so many things to do
and most importantly,no extra $$$ lying around to buy them
oh wait. there's a place called THE LIBRARY you bloody genius.

oh well,
i might go down to the library in the near future
cant wait for the holidays to come!!!

here's a list of great books by great authors that i desperately wanted to read right now:
1. A Clockwork Orange - Anthony Burges
2. Lolita -Vladimir Nobokov
3. Catch-22 - Joseph Heller
4. The Postman Always Rings Twice - James M Cain
5. A Room with A View - E. M. Forster
6. The Catcher In The Rye - J. D. Salinger

I dont like romantic pieces. Somehow I find romance novels too simplistic.
Too optimistic.
Not realistic.
Or maybe
I 'm just a pessimist
maybe
not being in love did that to me
I couldnt appreciate the beauty of "love" in novels
A happy-ending romantic novels are too much for me to swallow
it disgusts me
ok not really
but those books forces me to dream about having those unreasonable, unattainable things
life's not a bed of roses
i rather read about human eccentricities and sufferings
rather than reading about women falling in love and gushes over her "true love"
i like to explore other genres
romance is definitely not on the list

but most importantly, can somone please get me one of the books i've mentioned above?

Quote of the day:
It is what you read when you don't have to that determines what you will be when you can't help it.
-Oscar Wilde-

Today I am grateful for..
having parents that encourage us to read. not all Malay parents do so. i'm glad that my folks used to bring us to the bookstore almost every week to buy a book(sadly, no Doreamons or Dragonballs or Sailormooms for us) for me and my brother. my mom will always say "YES" to books and "NO" toys (well not anymore. my younger siblings have more toys than books. but of course, our old books are always there for them to enjoy). I wish that others will find the joy in reading as much as I do. Alhamdulillah, Thank You Allah.

p/s- remember the phrase, "don't judge the book by its cover?". Trust me, that is so true.

practical vs theory

2009-05-14T19:49:00.000+12:00

I've just completed my microteaching assignment.
i mean, the practical part.
the one where i am required to teach a group of students whatever i've planned to teach for the whole 25 minutes.

needless to say, it was a disaster.
i am terribly upset of the outcome
ok, i must admit that i didn't prepare myself enough for this task.
i thought it would be easy
THE BOOK make it sound so easy
but the truth is, in real life,
it is not that simple
to apply the knowledge and the theory is not as easy as memorising and understanding the theory.
geez.
now i know why the unemployment rate in Malaysia is very high.
you can score as many A+ (s) as you want in university,
at the end,
they will judge you based on your work perfomance
-how can you apply your knowledge in real life situation?
(i've done many interviews (thank god only online interviews) last year. as a sales assitant etc. and let me tell you, the questions are HARD. well at least for me, it is. example, a customer ask for something that has not been put outside(in the store) yet but it is in stock. what will you do? honestly, i have no idea!! if i say i will ask the manager about it first they will think that you're too dependent. if i say i sell it to that custome anyway, they might say that you're not supposed to do that because the item has not been checked yet ke wateverla. if is say that the item that he's looking for is out of stock, they might say that i have cost them to lose $$$$. so really, what's the correct answer since i have no idea!!needless to say, i didnt get the job(s))
-how well did u performed?
-did you managed to carry out the task?
-time management
-most importantly, your level of confidence
i might fare quite well in oral interviews,
coz i think i have a quite good command of English (its not THAT good really. but people will just assumed that you can speak very well if u seem comfortable with the language and if you can pronounce words very well regardless of the grammatical errors. my grammar sucks)
and i am confident when im speaking to...... strangers(in this case,the interviewer. i tend to get nerbous talking to people who knows me. im weird that way:P)
lets just say, i can goreng2 pretty well. even in assignments.
i guess thats why i've won this scholarship in the first place.
not because of my results really.

ok back to the main point(i really need to organise my thoughts. i just couldnt stop rambling.ptff)
when you have to do the REAL work
thats when reality hits you
you can goreng as much as you like
but when you are working, you are responsible for your job
and for me, a teacher has HUGE responsibilities
because the future of the younger generation, the country etc is in the teacher's hand
if you're a bad teacher, your students will be bad as well
if you're a bad ENGLISH teacher, your students will be very BAD in English as well
which is not what i hope for
as student teachers
lets just say we're still young, naive, innocent, full of great ideas and potentials
we all vowed to make a difference in the education system(that the main reaon the government sent you abroad you thickheads.not to just travel around.but to learn diff perspectives, diff ways of learning that are suitable to be adapted in our country)
at least for me, i am all up to adapt a new approach of teaching English in classroom
I have so many great ideas and activities thats swimming in my head
I am excited to try things that my teachers never did before
I just couldnt wait to have my own classroom and do all these new activities that we've just learned here

Lets just say, its all in the past.
after today, I've realised that it is not that simple
i've discovered that i am not ready yet to manage a classroom
when im in front of the class, i get very nervous
all the great ideas or great teacher talk that i've planned to use just evaporated
i stood there, looking like a freak
speechless
looking very terrified indeed
when i read my feedback forms, they all said that the activity planned was great, enjoyable, intergrated, meet the goals yada yada yada
BUT i get really low marks for classroom management
my instructions were not clear
i didnt engaged the students very well
my material( the last minute handout) was underdeveloped
my time management was off
i did not give good feedback to the students' responses
and so on
so i get the hint.
i already have these great ideas.
they all agreed that the lesson plan was awesome
however, the problem was MY OWN TEACHING SKILLS
the major problem was me me me me me me me ME!!!
i could plan all these fantastic, creative lessons
but in the end, could i carry out the lesson as planned??
at this rate, NO.
for now, NO.
~SIGH~
who said being a teacher is a piece of cake?

this picture is perfect in expressing how hopeless, heartbroken and dejected i am right now. it is by no means a racist or degrading picture. i am a student teacher. i am trained to be culturally inclusive and sensitive ;)

Quote of the day:
Hope is the thing with feathers
-Emily Dickinson-

Today I am grateful for...
having more time to improve myslef Insya Allah. I will learn and practise more to become a better teacher (who knows that i am this enthusiastic about teaching? i was surprised myself.LOL). What I've experienced today was a definite eye opener. I am blessed to realised this before its too late. Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah.

2009-05-13T23:01:00.000+12:00

an apple a day keeps the doctor away~~

blog hopping is fun
especially when you have assignments to do ;)
anyway speaking of apples, i've found this here:

Girls are like
apples on trees. The best
ones are at the top of the tree.
The boys don't want to reach for
the good ones because they are afraid
of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they
just get the rotten apples from the ground
that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples
at the top think something is wrong with
them, when in reality, they're amazing.
They just have to wait for the right
boy to come along, the one
who's brave enough
to climb
all the way
to the top

pretty good ay?

Quote of the day:

Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut her up with cookies.

-Erma Brombeck-

LOL

Today I am grateful for...
not having a boyfriend. though sometimes my heart couldn't stop screaming for wanting one, deep down, i'm glad i didn't have one. if id id, i may be doing things that i'm not supposed to do, i might be spending less time for Allah since im more preoccupied in keeping my boyfriend happy and thinking about him rather than thinking about HIM who created us. Alhamdulillah, Thank you Allah.

Happy Birthday S!

2009-05-12T23:38:00.000+12:00

hey, I've read those Gossip Girls series like ages ago
back in the day when reading Sweet Valley Senior Year is my favourite past time
back in the day when I am still able to read chic lit without throwing up afterwards
before Gossip Girl became a Tv series and everybody went crazy about it ( which is so unlike the books. which are way awesome and dramatic than the series. but of course, chuck bass was not that HOT in the novel. and i thought serena would be wayyyy prettier and has more character than the dull serena in the show. but i still love both Blairs nevertheless)
read the original book people
always read the books
books are always way better than the movies
trust me.

back to the main point,
so today is my dear friend's birthday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY S!!

i doubt that today will be your best birthday ever(having a class at 8am in this chilly season? not a great way to start ur day) but i wish u all the love, joy and happiness that you can find in the world. may this year be a more successful year for you. may u find your prince charming (if not sultan brunei) and get married soon. haha. and of course, may Allah swt bless you.
I love u dear, with all my heart. ok that sounds so wrong.

S, we've known each other for almost 4 years now.
though I didn't get 100% for ur riddiculous,self-indulged "so u think u know me" quiz at fb,
i think i know u well enough to say that ur a wonderful person and i'm blessed to have you as a friend. u r one of the few people that i have respect to/with/what ek?
seriously. though ur a bit blurrr at things like, sense of direction (which u have, like almost none.haha) and ur quite a cry baby ( but thank god eny and ur mom has to handle that. haha) but i respect u for ur knowledge. u r one of the few ppl that i feel comfortable with, where i can express and share my opinions. at least, u understand my point of view and u give very good feedback. with u, i'm able to have quite 'deep' conversation. i dont gossips 24/7 u know.
haha
and strange enough, we share the same shoe size (not the same taste in shoes though. i'm a bit more practical though.haha) and people often mistaken us as the same person. which i still find funny, but i dont deny the slight similarities.

oh well, S, I wish u to become a more mature and strong woman.
sometimes I feel bad when others laugh and make fun about u( ok, i pn join gk. tp smetimes je tau. i'll always try to refrain myself from joining them.) but i know ur way better than that.
prove them wrong.
prove them that ur a much stronger and responsible person than what they thought.
and of course, learn to cook more :P
it doesnt matter if it doesnt taste as good as others or etc
practise makes perfect
everyone can cook
its only a matter of interest
and of course effort (ur own word! LOL)

through thick and thin, ups and downs, black or white (do i need to go that far? haha. lets 4get about that) i'll always be ur friend.
HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY S!!

wpun dh 22 thn, kmu masih mkn comot mcm ini :)

xoxoxo
cik syg kamu

Quote of the day:
The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.

Oprah Winfrey

Today I am grateful for...
haveing another day to breath, to live, to learn and to pray and sekk for His forgiveness. Alhamdulillah, Thank you Allah.

i love you ma

2009-05-11T22:06:00.000+12:00

Regardless of the true meaning behind this mother's day celebration,
I would like to wish my mum, a very happy mother's day may Allah bless you with good health, comfort and prosperity. Most important, semoga hidup my mama diberkati and diredhai Allah sentiasa. some things, like your prayer is best expressed in Bahasa. There's something about Bahasa that gives out a more powerful meaning. Oh well, the fact that most of my posts are in English doesn't mean that I didn't like my own langauge. sy anak melayu jati. sy sayang bahasa saya tapi tidak salah bukan untuk belajar bahasa lain meskipun bahasa itu ialah bahasa penjajah?
apa guna kalau kita sibuk mempertahankan bahasa ibunda sedangkan pemikiran kita, akhlak kita telah dijajah dengan sgt hebat oleh budaya luar? pada saya, yang menuntut ilmu dalam bahasa penjajah, yang berkomunikasi dalam bahasa penjajah, sy masih tidak lupa asal usul saya. x salah gunakan bahasa penjajah. asalkan bukan pemikiran kita yang dijajah.

ok, that was really off topic. it's just that I was quite pissed off when someone commented about why do we need to learn English since English is 'bahasa penjajah'. gila kolot sape yg komen tu.
inilah masalah bangsa melayu, bila susah sikit, xnk berusaha perbaiki diri sendiri tp sibuk mnyalahkn org lain. sibuk cari alasan. knp? rugi ke blaja bahasa lain? salah ke blaja bhs lain?
itu dr segi bahasa, kalau kite d tpt org, or cubala blja budaya org (yg positif la) or bile kite baca pndapat bangsa lain n cuba sampaikn kpd org lain, org akan ckp kite ni terlalu kebaratan. terlalu agungkn western values. apekah? bagus sgt ke semua values culture kite? salah sgt ke kalau kita cuba adaptasi sedikit values mereka dlm hidup kita. bukan nye sy ajak kamu berparti, minum smpai mabuk2. sy cuma ajak kamu utk recycle, kurangkan guna plastik beg atau cuba panjat tangga jika mahu naik satu atau dua tingkat sahaja daripada asyik naik lif. hina sgtkah cadangan tu? besides helping to save the environment (go green!), anda juga dpt menyihatkn tubuh badan(maaf bahasa rojak. some emotions are better conveyed in bahasa).
itu belum lagi bab dtg ke negara org. bila dh smpai negara org, asyk mahu compare je dgn negara sndiri. bukan sy lupa daratan. bukan sy x rindu pd negara sy. sy rindu amat. tp knp kita dhantar ke negara laen? utk mmbuka mata n minda kita bukan? bak kata pepatah, jauh perjalanan, luas pengalaman. ke pemandangan? anyway, sy x kesah kalau nk compare negara2 ni. comparelah. tp jgnla asyk cari yg negatif je psl negara org. asyk mncemuh negara org shaja. hebat sgtkah negara kita? sempurna sgtkah negara kita? benar, negara kita jauh lagi maju dr negara ini, tp ade juge beberapa aspek penting yg negara kita sgt jauh ketingggalan. cth terbaik: pengangkutan awam dan keselamatan dlm negara.

skrg ni mmg dh betul2 off topic. tp it felt really good to vent out these frustrations.
I love my country. I really do. they say the grass is always greener on the other side. I must admit that the grass here is indeed very green. haha. but my heart is still there, at home, in Malaysia. I have no intention to spend the rest of my ife here, I want to go back there, where I belong. the country that I dearly loved. x kiralah betapa busuk n kotornya negara kita, x kisahla betapa busuknya pergolakan politik and korupsi d negara kita, x kisahla betapa x selamatnya lg utk mereka x kira jantina utk bergerak bebas ke sini sana tanap diragut, dirogol dan sebagainya, x kisahlah betapa huru haranya sistem pendidikan kita, tp itulah negaraku, tanah airku. benarlah kata org tua2, hujan emas d negeri org, hujan batu d negeri sendiri, lebih baik d negeri sendiri. because that's the place I called home. home is where the heart is.

p/s- I'm lost in my train of thoughts.

oops! I almost forgot

Quote of the day:
'Each nation feels superior to other nations. That breeds patriotism - and wars.'

-Dale Carnegie-

Today I am really grateful for...
having Malaysia to call my home. I am grateful to be born in a free country ad not a refugee from other country. I am blessed to feel belonged to this developing country and rich enough to sponsored my education abroad. I hope, that someday I might be able to help and make a difference, regardless how small it its, in my country. Alhamdulillah. Thank you Allah.